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To improve the job prospects, some people want the secondry schools to spend more time teaching communication and business skills and spend less time teaching history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

To improve the job prospects, some people want the secondry schools to spend more time teaching communication and business skills and spend less time teaching history. v. 1
Job competition is extremly fierce these days, people from all walks of life are striving to excel in their respected fields. In order to boost job prospects It is thought by some individuals that secondry schools should invest more time in teaching of communication and business skills and should put less emphasis on subject like history. In my opinion, i strongly agree with this stance and consider effective communication and business skill the key to success in this time and era. First and formost, by focusing on communication and business skills students will be able to propagate their thoughts effectively. This is to say when they are asked to do live presentations on researches they made themselves will give them a feel on how business deals are actually executed and how right way of communication can add colors to individuals performances. For instance, Finland has introduced an exceptional educational system which is primarily focusing on preparing children to be innovative and creative rather than craming history dates. Therefore, it is very important to train students according to the job market and for better future. Secondly, schooling is a time when students minds are young and fresh to absorb information. If the curiculum is only based on memorising past events and cultures then the students will not be equipped to face the real world and would only dwell in the past. This practice has to stop and they should be taught subjects which polishes their inner skills and makes them ready to kick start their career paths. To illustrate, a recent survey held by a local educationist proved that about 75% of students disliked history classes and feel disconnected during the lectures. it is for these profound reasons school managements need to redesign their course content and produce pupil who are well rounded individuals. In conclusion, few considered that inorder to improve the job prospects secondry schools should invest more time in teaching communication and business skills and rather less time teaching history. I strenuously(ardently) agree with the idea and think that preparing youth for coming times is the sole responsibilty of the educational system.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
competition is
Possible spelling mistake found.
extremly
fierce these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from all walks of life are striving to excel in their respected fields. In order to boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that
Possible spelling mistake found.
secondry
schools should invest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in teaching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and should put less emphasis on subject like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this stance and consider effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
the key to success in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and era.

First
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
formost
, by focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be able to propagate their thoughts
effectively
. This is to say when they
are asked
to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
presentations on researches they made themselves will give them a feel on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
deals are actually executed and how right way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
colors to individuals performances.
For instance
, Finland has introduced an exceptional educational system which is
primarily
focusing on preparing children to be innovative and creative
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
craming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
dates.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market and for better future.

Secondly
, schooling is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
minds are young and fresh to absorb information. If the
Possible spelling mistake found.
curiculum
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
based on
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorising' is British English.
memorising
past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and cultures then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not
be equipped
to face the real world and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
dwell in the past. This practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stop and
they should
be taught
subjects which polishes their inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them ready to kick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career paths. To illustrate, a recent survey held by a local educationist proved that about 75% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
disliked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
classes and feel disconnected during the lectures.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is for these profound reasons school managements need to redesign their course content and produce pupil who are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well rounded
individuals.

In conclusion
, few considered that
Possible spelling mistake found.
inorder
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects
Possible spelling mistake found.
secondry
schools should invest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
rather
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. I
strenuously
(
ardently
)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that preparing youth for coming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
is the sole
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibilty
of the educational system.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay To improve the job prospects, some people want the secondry schools to spend more time teaching communication and business skills and spend less time teaching history. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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