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Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam' How true this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars? v.16

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam' How true this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars? v. 16
With the passing time, people have gained more access to the luxurious amenities. Being a car owner is also the one of them. Comparing to the conventional times, it can be said that car ownership is increasing swiftly. Therefore, resulting in a big traffic jam. At the modern time, every person has his own vehicle. All around the word, apart from other vehicles, there are 70 percent families who have their own car. Besides this, being equipped with a four wheeler, who wouldn't prefer to go via this. Thus, everyone tends to go with the one conveyance has. Huge traffic jams on the road and even on highways are seen due this tendency. It has also been the reason of critical road accidents and Air pollution since long. To hinder or deter this problem of road Jams, Government Should take necessary initiatives. First of all, there must be strict rules and regulations regarding use of motor vehicles. Secondly, rules must be obeyed by all at every cost. Moreover, the Government can start campaigns to aware people of the benefits of doing possible nearby works by walk which would offer them a healthy life. Furthermore, People should be educated to use two wheelers like scooters, bicycles etc. Riding by bicycle would activate them physically and less gathering on roads. Adding to this, Riding two wheelers would be more economical for them as compared to four wheelers. At last, we can conclude that there must be proper laws accomplished in the country to control the rush on ways. Moreover, the citizens of that nation should also consider it to their moral duty for not to pollute the environment and minimise the usage of cars, which would then result in empty roads and fresh air.
With the passing time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have gained more access to the luxurious amenities. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
owner is
also
the one of them. Comparing to the conventional times, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
ownership is increasing
swiftly
.
Therefore
, resulting in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
traffic jam.

At the modern time, every person has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicle. All around the word, apart from other vehicles, there are 70 percent families who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
Besides
this,
being equipped
with a
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
four wheeler
, who wouldn't prefer to go via this.
Thus
, everyone tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the one conveyance has. Huge traffic jams on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and even on highways are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
due this tendency. It has
also
been the reason of critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents and Air pollution since long.

To hinder or deter this problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
Jams,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
Should take necessary initiatives.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations regarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of motor vehicles.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be obeyed
by all at every cost.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
campaigns to aware
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the benefits of doing possible nearby works by walk which would offer them a healthy life.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
be educated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
two wheelers
like scooters, bicycles etc. Riding by bicycle would activate them
physically
and less gathering on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. Adding to this, Riding
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
two wheelers
would be more economical for them as compared to four
Possible spelling mistake found.
wheelers
.

At last, we can conclude that there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be proper laws accomplished in the country to control the rush on ways.
Moreover
, the citizens of that nation should
also
consider it to their moral duty for not to pollute the environment and
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, which would then result in empty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
and fresh air.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam' How true this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars? v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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