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By paying more to employees based on their performance level, you can keep their motivation high. Do you agree this is the best way to encourage employees? v.2

By paying more to employees based on their performance level, you can keep their motivation high. Do you agree this is the best way to encourage employees? v. 2
Increment in salaries on the basis of working abilities can be considered as motivational as opine by some. I completely agree with this statement in question prompt and will explain my reasons in subsequent paragraphs. Firstly, People work mostly to earn money, and use it to live a happy life as it is considered the way of world. This culture is perceived from the birth; as people complete their study, choose career pathways and later work in those specific fields to live a respectable and comfortable life by fulfilling necessities of living, such as food and healthcare, by compensating through wages. As per my own experience, people feel successful and promoted after an appraisal as it brings a sense of relief from myriad of financial issues. Secondly, increase in income means a direct appreciation at work from employer which not only creates an affection towards company but also result in feeling of responsibility. These culminates in higher efficiency as people try to perform wholeheartedly resulting in achievement of perfection, which could easily be seen in their output. If an organization does not offer bonus, workers would feel worthless leading to deteriorating effect; for instance, decline in effectiveness, which in the big picture affects revenue generation. Although, other methods such as awards on devoted work and construction of friendly workspace environment does produce better results, however, could be counted as temporary measures to boost the morale as these will not be able to accomplish the prime reason of work which is salary. In conclusion, I believe that a pay raise is supreme element for inspiration as it brings perception of devotion, responsibility and affection towards employer; and also help in lessening the monetary burden everyone faces.
Increment in salaries on the basis of working abilities can
be considered
as motivational as opine by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement in question prompt and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons in subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
mostly
to earn money, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life as it
is considered
the way of world. This culture
is perceived
from the birth; as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complete their study, choose career pathways and later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in those specific fields to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a respectable and comfortable life by fulfilling necessities of living, such as food and healthcare, by compensating through wages. As per my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel successful and promoted after an appraisal as it brings a sense of relief from myriad of financial issues.

Secondly
, increase in income means a direct appreciation at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from employer which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creates an affection towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
result in feeling of responsibility.
The verb 'culminates' is singular. Did you mean: "This culminates" or "These culminate"?
These culminates
in higher efficiency as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to perform
wholeheartedly
resulting in achievement of perfection, which could
easily
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in their output. If an organization does not offer bonus, workers would feel worthless leading to deteriorating effect;
for instance
, decline in effectiveness, which in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
picture affects revenue generation.

Although, other methods such as awards on devoted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and construction of friendly workspace environment does produce better results,
however
, could
be counted
as temporary measures to boost the morale as these will not be able to accomplish the prime reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which is salary.

In conclusion
, I believe that a pay raise is supreme element for inspiration as it brings perception of devotion, responsibility and affection towards employer; and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in lessening the monetary burden everyone faces.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay By paying more to employees based on their performance level, you can keep their motivation high. Do you agree this is the best way to encourage employees? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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