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Buying things on the internet, such as groceries, books and air tickets is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages. v.1

Buying things on the internet, such as groceries, books and air tickets is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1
The idea of online shopping is gaining ground in this present generation. A significant number of people, purchase commodities via the internet. There are some drawbacks of shopping online, but there is one huge benefit ( convenience) that makes people shop this way and therefore the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The main reason why people buy things online is that it saves time and energy, which consequently increases productivity. In the world today, a lot of people work two or more jobs, or even longer hours, in order to make ends meet. In order to cater for themselves and their families, they buy food items, books, as well as flight tickets, from the comfort of their homes or places of business, without having to miss out on other activities. Furthermore, it eliminates the stress associated with the conventional forms of procuring items as goods can be delivered to one's doorstep. For instance, a working mother of four, who is also a business woman can order dinner for her family at the close of work to enable her to have more personal time with her children. Those opposed to this, believe that online shopping causes isolation, by reducing the amount of physical contact people have with other human beings. However, this is not the case, as the world is now a global village. Online transactions are done by majority of people and this in turn fosters human interaction through social media platforms. For example, a survey done in Italy in 2018, revealed that most citizens purchased items for China and now frequently talk and relate exceptionally well with the Chinese as opposed to the happenings a decade ago. In conclusion, internet shopping is becoming increasingly popular. The  fact that online shopping reduces stress and inconvenience and also provides options for individuals, clearly makes the advantages for greater than the negatives
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is gaining ground in this present generation. A significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
commodities via the internet. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is one huge benefit
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
convenience) that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shop this way and
therefore
the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is that it saves time and energy, which
consequently
increases productivity. In the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work two or more jobs, or even longer hours, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. In order to cater for themselves and their families, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food items, books,
as well
as flight tickets, from the comfort of their homes or places of business, without having to miss out on other activities.
Furthermore
, it eliminates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
associated with the conventional forms of procuring items as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can
be delivered
to one's doorstep.
For instance
, a working mother of four, who is
also
a business woman can order dinner for her family at the close of work to enable her to have more personal time with her children.

Those opposed to this, believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
causes isolation, by reducing the amount of physical contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have with other human beings.
However
, this is not the case, as the world is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a global village.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
transactions
are done
by majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this in turn fosters human interaction through social media platforms.
For example
, a survey done in Italy in 2018, revealed that most citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
items for China and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
frequently
talk and relate
exceptionally
well with the Chinese as opposed to the happenings a decade ago.

In conclusion
, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is becoming
increasingly
popular. The
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and inconvenience and
also
provides options for individuals,
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the advantages for greater than the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
negatives
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Buying things on the internet, such as groceries, books and air tickets is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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