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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v.28

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 28
Nowadays, more and more people are doing their shopping online instead of going to the stores. Shopping this way has both pros and cons, but I think the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, online shopping has certain drawbacks. As online shopping is easier and cheaper, people tend to buy more than their need which can lead to wasting their money. Furthermore, since people can’t touch or see the products in reality, they may receive their orders at a poorer quality than they expect. The products delivered to their homes may not looks as good as it is on the image as many stores often hide the bad parts of the products. This is less likely to happen when they shop offline. On the other hand, online shopping has lots of advantages that are more important than the disadvantages. There are countless shopping websites on the internet that provide buyers with various choices and allows them to compare different brands. For example, you can easily compare the shoes of Nike and Adidas before you make your decision, while it is often difficult when you shop offline. Moreover, buying things online is more convenient as people can buy things they want without travelling. As a result, they can save their times and the cost of travelling. In conclusion, although online shopping has some drawbacks as it is not always reliable and often causes buyers to waste their money, it provides buyers with various choices and helps them to save their times and their cost of travelling. I strongly believe that these benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
instead
of going to the stores.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
this way has both pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has certain drawbacks. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is easier and cheaper,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more than their need which can lead to wasting their money.
Furthermore
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can’t touch or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the products in reality, they may receive their orders at a poorer quality than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
. The products delivered to their homes may not
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "look"
looks
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as it is on the image as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
parts of the products. This is less likely to happen when they shop offline.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has lots of advantages that are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the disadvantages. There are countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites on the internet that provide buyers with various choices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to compare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands.
For example
, you can
easily
compare the shoes of Nike and Adidas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your decision, while it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
difficult when you shop offline.
Moreover
, buying things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is more convenient as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things they want without travelling.
As a result
, they can save their times and the cost of travelling.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks as it is not always reliable and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
causes buyers to waste their money, it provides buyers with various choices and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to save their times and their cost of travelling. I
strongly
believe that these benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 28

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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