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Some people think that providing many TV channels is a great thing, but others think that this may affect the quality of TV programs. Discuss both views and give own opinion v.1

Some people think that providing many TV channels is a great thing, but others think that this may affect the quality of TV programs. 1
With an increasing demand for TV programs, nowadays, there are more options to watch TV programs than in the past. Some people insist that it is not beneficial to have many TV channels. Although I understand this point of view, I would argue that widening choices to watch TV programs has a positive effect on individuals and society. Admittedly, there are some disadvantages of providing many TV channels. Some people might find it easy to see unreliable news. This is because broadcast station might find it difficult to survive in intense competition as there are so many different TV channels. Therefore, people working in broadcast station may need to attract people’s attention, using exaggerated information. For example, in Korea, some celebrities have been victims of false information on the news. This is because reporter competed too much to increase the audience rating. As a result, the situation allows audiences not to be able to trust the information provided by the news. However, I still believe that providing many TV channels can bring about positive consequences. Many different kinds of TV programs can be created by workers in broadcasting. People working in broadcast station can have more opportunities to participate in TV programs. Therefore, many people do their best to get the opportunities. As a result, people can discover different types of TV programs and make high quality of TV shows. Furthermore, the employment rate will increase as broadcast companies need people who can work with. The situation can help broadcast industry to thrive In conclusion, according to the aforementioned reasons, I understand that there are some harmful effects to expend broadcast industry, while I still believe that this should be seen as a positive development.
With an increasing demand for TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, nowadays, there are more options to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
than in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that it is not beneficial to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
. Although I understand this point of view, I would argue that widening choices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on individuals and society.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might find it easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
unreliable news. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broadcast
station might find it difficult to survive in intense competition as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broadcast
station may need to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention, using exaggerated information.
For example
, in Korea,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities have been victims of false information on the news. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
reporter competed too much to increase the audience rating.
As a result
, the situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
audiences not to be able to trust the information provided by the news.

However
, I
still
believe that providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
can bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
can
be created
by workers in broadcasting.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broadcast
station can have more opportunities to participate in TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunities.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can discover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
high quality of TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
Furthermore
, the employment rate will increase as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broadcast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can work with. The situation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broadcast
industry to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
thrive


In conclusion
, according to the aforementioned reasons, I understand that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful effects to expend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broadcast
industry, while I
still
believe that this should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that providing many TV channels is a great thing, but others think that this may affect the quality of TV programs. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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