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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v.22

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 22
In recent years, E-commerce has dramatically changed the way people doing business and purchase the products and services. In my opinion, online shopping has tremendous benefits compared to any disadvantages it might bring Admittedly, there are many benefits of buying things through the internet. Firstly, online shopping provides the wide range of varieties in products. More than hundred companies' products are available at one place with uncounted discounts and consumers enjoy a greater freedom to purchase global products from renowned websites without travelling a long distance malls or even wait in a long queue. For Instance, Amazon provides a great opportunity to shopper compare the specification and price of a different products before making a purchasing decision and delivered items at your doorstep. Secondly, most of the bank and airlines introduced online service or e-booking to serve their consumers 24X7 without any interruption. The Online banking facility helps people to pay their utility bills, book air tickets in an emergency and send money in any part of the world from home, which can save valuable time. Despite the advantages above, there are same drawbacks of buying online products. One problem is that the customer cannot personal check the quality and size of the items before making purchases, As a result this often leads to customer dissatisfaction. Another obvious issue is that the digital scam is common while shopping online, careless use of a credit card or sensitive personal information can often invite hacker to harm someone. However, this situation is rare and only happened in some countries. In conclusion, Being having varied choices of quality goods and reliable time saving facilities just a few finger taps away far outweigh any of the minor problems that could result from online shopping
In recent years, E-commerce has
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
doing business and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has tremendous benefits compared to any disadvantages it might
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
bring


Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of buying things through the internet.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
provides the wide range of
The usual preposition for "varieties" is "of" not "in." Revise: "varieties of".
varieties in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. More than
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are available at one place with uncounted discounts and consumers enjoy a greater freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from renowned websites without travelling a long distance malls or even wait in a long queue.
For Instance
, Amazon provides a great opportunity to shopper compare the specification and price of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "product"?
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a purchasing decision and delivered items at your doorstep.
Secondly
, most of the bank and airlines introduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
service or e-booking to serve their consumers
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24X7
without any interruption. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
banking facility
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to pay their utility bills, book air tickets in an emergency and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
money in any part of the world from home, which can save valuable time.

Despite the advantages above, there are same drawbacks of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. One problem is that the customer cannot
The word "personal" is an adjective and doesn't fit in this context. Did you mean the adverb "personally"?
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the quality and size of the items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
,
As a result
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to customer dissatisfaction. Another obvious issue is that the digital scam is common while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, careless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a credit card or sensitive personal information can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
invite hacker to harm someone.
However
, this situation is rare and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happened in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.

In conclusion
, Being having varied choices of quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and reliable time saving facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few finger taps away far outweigh any of the minor problems that could result from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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