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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v.15

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15
In this contemporary world online shopping plays major role in human’s day to day life. This has become a trend and many people tend to use the world wide web to purchase their consumer goods on their day to day life. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and shows that, indeed, traditional shopping is more superior than the online shopping. There are numerous of advantages for shopping that can be fulfilled by using internet. Firstly, with the use of online shopping people will able to purchase goods with a split second. For instance, now a day, most of the supermarkets in Canada have their own mobile app. With the use of it, users will able to buy items that available in the supermarket without visiting. Secondly, With the use of multiple apps, users will able to access many outlets in a single moment. For example, users will able to compare between different number of stores before making the buying decision. In short, these types of services are there to minimize the waste of time, which are more important these days. However, this online shopping has many drawbacks which can be lead to huge issue when comes to the daily routine. Most of the people visit book stores not just to buy a book. Even though their final intention is to buy a book, they enjoy the time that they spent in book store as well. For example, when I visit a book store, I use to skim through a few series of books which makes me more tremendous. Although, internet purchasing has eliminated the power of negotiation of its users. When comes to the air ticket purchasing, most of the people have their own personalized requests. By using the internet rather than made a request people have to accept what system proposed, which can be lead to ultimate customer dissatisfaction. Clearly, customer experience is the most important area that needs to address and which cannot be rely on the internet. This essay discussed both advantages and disadvantages of online shopping. In my opinion, although there are benefits associated with buying things using internet, drawbacks clearly outweigh them.
In this contemporary world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
plays major role in human’s
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life. This has become a trend and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
on their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that,
indeed
, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.

There are numerous of advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
that can
be fulfilled
by using internet.
Firstly
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with a split second.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day, most of the supermarkets in Canada have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mobile app. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
items that available in the supermarket without visiting.
Secondly
, With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of multiple apps,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
outlets in a single moment.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to compare between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making the buying decision. In short, these types of services are there to minimize the waste of time, which are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
these days.

However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks which can be lead to huge issue when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the daily routine. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
.
Even though
their final intention is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
, they enjoy the time that they spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
as well
.
For example
, when I visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
, I
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
skim through a few series of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me more tremendous.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, internet purchasing has eliminated the power of negotiation of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the air ticket purchasing, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personalized requests. By using the internet
rather
than made a request
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accept what system proposed, which can be lead to ultimate customer dissatisfaction.
Clearly
, customer experience is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
area that needs to address and which cannot be
Consider using the past participle "relied"?
rely
on the internet.

This essay discussed both advantages and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. In my opinion, although there are benefits associated with buying things using internet, drawbacks
clearly
outweigh them.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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