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Business organisations should hire employees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Business organisations should hire employees for their entire lives. v. 5
Businesses have many responsibilities to meet. Among those, there are different perspectives about providing the life-long employment contracts to employees. However, I believe that, the feeling of security is the key to the quality of work achievement. Businesses have a responsibility to provide feeling of security for their employees by providing a permanent employment contract. The feeling of security can result in the quality of work and that can be beneficial for the company’s point of view. If they feel anxious about losing their jobs, the quality of work would not meet the company’s standard as compared to the quality of work achieved by employees who had that secure feelings. Also, there are several benefits of persistent hiring employees for a long time. The time can be considered as the first and foremost benefits. Since employees have been trained and used to the environments of businesses, it establishes the faster and quality of task achievements. For example, when the employees have worked in a company for 15 years, they can easily achieve the tasks as it became a natural cycle for them in comparison to new employees. A company can save costs. Conducting trainings for new employees, doing interviews and taking HR manager’s time to participate in all those meetings and trainings can be considered as waste of their time and money. Instead of spending their times on those meetings and trainings, the time can be used on the result-driven tasks. For example, HR managers spent about 1. 5 hours per day seeking for new employees and this time can be saved by replacing their time to do existed employee’s relationship, it will benefit the company for the long run. In conclusion, life-long contracts to employees can be considered as providing the security of employee which leads to the quality of work and its achievement.
Businesses have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. Among those, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
The usual preposition for "perspectives" is "on" not "about." Revise: "perspectives on".
perspectives about
providing the life-long employment contracts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
However
, I believe that, the feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
is the key to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
achievement.

Businesses have a responsibility to provide feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
by providing a permanent employment contract. The feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
can result in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and that can be beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
point of view. If they feel anxious about losing their jobs, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
standard as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
achieved by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who had that secure feelings.

Also
, there are several benefits of persistent hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be considered
as the
first
and foremost benefits. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have
been trained
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the environments of businesses, it establishes the faster and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of task achievements.
For example
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have worked in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for 15 years, they can
easily
achieve the tasks as it became a natural cycle for them
in comparison
to new employees.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can save costs. Conducting trainings for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, doing interviews and taking HR manager’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to participate in all those meetings and trainings can
be considered
as waste of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money.
Instead
of spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
on those meetings and trainings, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on the result-driven tasks.
For example
, HR managers spent about 1. 5 hours per day seeking for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be saved
by replacing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do existed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee’s
relationship, it will benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for the long run.

In conclusion
, life-long contracts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can
be considered
as providing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
which leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and its achievement.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Business organisations should hire employees for their entire lives. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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