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Business organisations should hire employees for their entire lives. v.4

Business organisations should hire employees for their entire lives. v. 4
Companies tend to hire people for the completion of tasks of various natures. Some tasks demand only short-time commitment and others continues in a long run. Some people argue that people will work with lofty ambitions, high dedication and a great commitment if they are hired for their lifetime. However, others claim that it is unfair for those people who are studying in different educational institutions and hoping a bright future ahead, I believe that a job for the entire life is not a pragmatic approach and creates many problems in a society. It is often seen that businesses thrive by applying innovative ideas and modern technologies. These are two areas where students have been taught in deeply to cope up with challenges in their future. Therefore, it is mandatory for businesses to take fresh graduates and discard people in a company who lack behind in skills and knowledge. Furthermore, the unemployment rate will dramatically increase in the absence of jobs in the market. Because all jobs are occupied for lives and there are less likely to have chances of vacant places. However, there is no doubt that people performances are extraordinary if they have confined feeling of job security. They would like to work hard to achieve maximum benefits for a company. Thus, their efforts will reflect in increased productivity and profit margin of the business. To sum up, I would like to say that hiring employees for the lifetime is not a practical strategy in a business. Companies use people for the sake of their own benefits and reward them until there is a need for that skill in the company. Moreover, unemployment, frustration and tension are few factors which could greatly influence youngsters if businesses adopt this policy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
tend to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the completion of tasks of various natures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
tasks demand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
short-time commitment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
continues in a long run.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will work with lofty ambitions, high dedication and a great commitment if they
are hired
for their lifetime.
However
, others claim that it is unfair for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are studying in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
educational institutions and hoping a bright future ahead, I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for the entire life is not a pragmatic approach and creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in a society.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
thrive by applying innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and modern technologies. These are two areas where students have
been taught
in
deeply
to cope up with challenges in their future.
Therefore
, it is mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to take fresh graduates and discard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
who lack behind in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge.
Furthermore
, the unemployment rate will
dramatically
increase in the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are occupied
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and there are less likely to have chances of vacant places.

However
, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
performances are extraordinary if they have confined feeling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security. They would like to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve maximum benefits for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Thus
, their efforts will reflect in increased productivity and profit margin of the business.

To sum up, I would like to say that hiring employees for the lifetime is not a practical strategy in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the sake of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and reward them until there is a need for that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Moreover
, unemployment, frustration and tension are few factors which could
greatly
influence youngsters if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
adopt this policy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Business organisations should hire employees for their entire lives. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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