Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
It is true that school violence is likely to be becoming one of the hottest topical issues attracting a great deal of attention of the community due to its negative impacts seriously on the physical and mental of victims. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of this problem along with a couple of possible measures to it. Bullying in schools results from a variety of reasons. Firstly, because of the rapid development of internet, it may be easier for children to have more access to harmfully entertainment media such as: bloody movies, the music of sensitivity lyrics, fight game. . . Without being controlled from adults, driving them into imitating what they see. As a consequence, the violent media are considered as a crucial part contributing to this matter. Secondly, one of the significant factors manages to strum from parents having a huge effect on the form of awareness of offsprings. This means that children growing up with domestic violence could tend to adopt behavioural standards for what they are obtainable in their home, leading to in the fact that they might be able to use aggressive actions to solve conflicts. Several remarkable remedies can be given to tackle school bullying. First of all, the authorities should strengthen to censor the content of technological products, bringing about a safer internet environment for students. Furthermore, parents' supervision seems to play a dispensable role assisting offsprings in developing their positive attitudes. Therefore, It is extremely important for parents to spend some time in communicating with their children in order to help them overcome troubles timely. In conclusion, this problem is unlikely to be addressed in the short term. However, I believe that the measures outlined above would constitute a great first step.
It is true that school violence is likely to be becoming one of the hottest topical issues attracting a great deal of attention of the community due to its
negative
impacts
seriously
on the physical and mental of victims. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of this problem along with a couple of possible measures to it.

Bullying in schools results from a variety of reasons.
Firstly
,
because
of the rapid development of internet, it may be easier for children to have more access to
harmfully
entertainment media such as: bloody movies, the music of sensitivity lyrics, fight game.
.
.
Without
being controlled
from adults, driving them into imitating what they
see
. As a consequence, the violent media
are considered
as a crucial part contributing to this matter.
Secondly
, one of the significant factors manages to strum from parents having a huge effect on the form of awareness of
offsprings
. This means that children growing up with domestic violence could tend to adopt
behavioural
standards for what they are obtainable in their home, leading to in the fact that they might be able to
use
aggressive actions to solve conflicts.

Several remarkable remedies can be
given
to tackle school bullying.
First of all
, the authorities should strengthen to censor the content of technological products, bringing about a safer internet environment for students.
Furthermore
, parents' supervision seems to play a dispensable role assisting
offsprings
in developing their
positive
attitudes.
Therefore
, It is
extremely
important
for parents to spend
some
time in communicating with their children in order to
help
them overcome troubles timely.

In conclusion
, this problem is unlikely to
be addressed
in the short term.
However
, I believe that the measures outlined above would constitute a great
first
step.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Bullying is a big problem in many schools. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts