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The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree? v.8

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 8
Family environment and upbringing has a huge impact on the psychology of a child. The large number of people opine that it is solely the outcome of bad parenting, but, I do not totally agree with it. To begin to I don’t agree with this argument. We live in a time where society plays a major role in moulding an individual. Societal pressures have both positive and negative impact on the younger generations. Today’s generation is exposed to a variety of digital devices through which they can watch or share anything. Nowadays, an entertainment industry has genres like horror, violence, scenes of cold blooded murder, rape and other crimes in the movie and in games and also younger people commit crime due to scarcity of resources to fulfil their wants. There is a drastic difference between children who watch violent videos and news and the ones who is more into cartoons and educational programmers. The other hands, we cannot say that parents do not influence on their children. Parents can influence the children to a certain extend and can imbibe good value system to the youngster. The first years of life children copy and inherits the behaviour of parents, the first words. It depends on the parents, whether the child can empathize, care, be a kind and responsive person. Will he be neat, organized, responsible people. In conclusion, Parents can influence the children to a certain extend and can imbibe good value system to the youngster, but other influences like friends, an awful company, society, digital media also play a vital role in creating pivotal changes to the youngster’s mindset.
Family environment and upbringing has a huge impact on the psychology of a child. The large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that it is
solely
the outcome of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
parenting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, I do not
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
society plays a major role in
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
an individual. Societal pressures have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the younger generations.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s generation
is exposed
to a variety of digital devices through which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or share anything. Nowadays, an entertainment industry has genres like horror, violence, scenes of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
cold blooded
murder, rape and other crimes in the movie and in games and
also
younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commit crime due to scarcity of resources to fulfil their wants. There is a drastic difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
violent videos and news and the ones who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'ones' should be used.
is
more into cartoons and educational programmers.

The other hands, we cannot say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a certain
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
and can imbibe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
value system to the youngster. The
first
years of life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
copy and inherits the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the
first
words. It depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, whether the child can empathize, care, be a kind and responsive person. Will he be neat, organized, responsible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a certain
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
and can imbibe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
value system to the youngster,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influences
like friends, an awful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, society, digital media
also
play a vital role in creating pivotal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the youngster’s mindset.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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