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Briefly summarize the problem the professors are discussing. Then state which of the two solutions from the conversation you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v.1

Briefly summarize the problem the professors are discussing. Then state which of the two solutions from the conversation you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1
Although the contents showed on television is thought to affect on children’s actions, other people consider how much time they have spent with it is likely to impact on their behaviour. In my opinion, I agree with the idea that what the children see will depict how they behave. On the one hand, children’s behaviour is deeply influenced by what they have watched on the screen and I agree. First issue to look at is the appearance of violent movies or even music videos. Since children tend to imitate what they have seen, they are likely to perform it in real life such as attacking their friends or torturing the animals. This might lead to adverse impact on forming a particular personality. Furthermore, with curiosity and innocent mind, children are easily to be mind-manipulated by colourful advertisements such as fast food and candies. Consequently, they might ask their parent to buy it without knowing the potential danger for their health. Thirdly, celebrities on television have recently formed a material and fancy living lifestyle. Hence, young viewers are going to follow it regardless of the suitability. On the other hand, the amount of time devoting for watching TVs has certain affect on children’s development, according to some. A good reason for it is the negative result in health when sitting front of the TV for long time. For example, if a child has been on the couch enjoying the cartoon all day, then his/her vision will certainly get worse. Another supporting idea comes from lack of reaction with family members. Due to not communicating with parents frequently, the children are likely to lose mutual bonding with mothers and fathers. In conclusion, there are different ideas about how television impacts on children’s behaviour in a different way. However, in my personal view, the matters it brings is definitely more considerable
Although the contents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
on television is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
actions, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider how much time they have spent with it is likely to impact on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
will depict how they behave.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
deeply
influenced by what they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
on the screen and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
First
issue to look at is the appearance of violent movies or even music videos. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to imitate what they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, they are likely to perform it in real life such as attacking their friends or torturing the animals. This might lead to adverse impact on forming a particular personality.
Furthermore
, with curiosity and innocent mind,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
easily
to be mind-manipulated by
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
advertisements such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and candies.
Consequently
, they might ask their parent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it without knowing the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for their health.
Thirdly
, celebrities on television have recently formed a material and fancy living lifestyle.
Hence
, young viewers are going to follow it regardless of the suitability.

On the other hand
, the amount of time devoting for watching TVs has certain
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason for it is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
result in health when sitting front of the TV for long time.
For example
, if a child has been on the couch enjoying the cartoon all day, then his/her vision will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse. Another supporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from lack of reaction with family members. Due to not communicating with parents
frequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to lose mutual bonding with mothers and fathers.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about how television impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way.
However
, in my personal view, the matters it brings is definitely more considerable
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Briefly summarize the problem the professors are discussing. Then state which of the two solutions from the conversation you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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