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In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. v. 1
Nowadays, the number of women working full-time is increasing and on par with men. So, many people believe that housework should be shared equitably between husbands and wives. From my point of view, I greatly agree with this statement. The first reason is that equitable sharing of housework between husband and wife helps women reduce work pressure not only at work but also at home, for their roles in modern society have changed tremendously over the years. Women still undertake full-time jobs like men and they always try to fulfill their assigned tasks, so it is necessary to have the share of men to reduce the burden and pressure for women. When the household chores are shared with men such as taking care of their children, cleaning the house or cooking and some things like that, women will have time for chilling out and entertainment because they deserve a proper rest after a hard-working day as men. Therefore, women can spend time with children if they receive help from men. In addition, splitting family tasks can create a successful gender equality environment with an emphasis on mutual support and respect. For example, if work is given equally between parents, the efficiency of working in the home is better and make children understand that no one is exempt from family duties. Besides, sharing housework is a way to show our love and care for our dear family. This will help family affection become strong, sociable and close. It can be expressed through simple acts of interest like washing dishes after meals instead of wives. Men will gradually understand the value of work if they help women in housework. To recapitulate, women are no longer limited to the traditional role of doing all the same tasks as domestic servants, so the division of household work is encouraged not only to minimize the burden on the woman but also to show gender equality. I think it makes sense for both males and females in sharing household chores.
Nowadays, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
working full-time is increasing and on par with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that housework should
be shared
equitably
between husbands and wives. From my point of view, I
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

The
first
reason is that equitable sharing of housework between husband and wife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
at home, for their roles in modern society have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
tremendously
over the years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
still
undertake full-time jobs like
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
men and
they always try to fulfill their assigned tasks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is necessary to have the share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden and pressure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. When the household chores
are shared
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
such as taking care of their children, cleaning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or cooking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things like that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will have time for chilling out and entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they deserve a proper rest after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working day as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can spend time with children if they receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

In addition
, splitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tasks can create a successful gender equality environment with an emphasis on mutual support and respect.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equally
between parents, the efficiency of working in the home is better and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children understand that no one is exempt from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
duties.
Besides
, sharing housework is a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care for our dear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
affection become strong, sociable and close. It can
be expressed
through simple acts of interest like washing dishes after meals
instead
of wives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
will
gradually
understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in housework.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are no longer limited to the traditional role of doing all the same tasks as domestic servants,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the division of household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is encouraged
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to minimize the burden on the woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
gender equality. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense for both males and females in sharing household chores.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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