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Both The Poor And The Rich Find Accessibility Into University Difficult. To What extend do you agree or disagree? v.3

Both The Poor And The Rich Find Accessibility Into University Difficult. v. 3
Few people argues that top level executives above age 55 must be urge to exit from the organization in order to give chance to the younger blood. In my opinion, I completely agree because new blood can drive growth of the company via innovative ideas and higher productivity. Firstly, latest age group brings fresh ideas into the system which is vital for any institution to succeed. It is critical to generate differentiated products in the market, as consumer behaviour is frequently changing. Because older staff are rigid to implement new thoughts, which can proves to be disastrous for the business in future. Additionally, firm can lose market share to competitors. For example, Orkut was the best social networking site in the work in 2000, but due to advent of new technology by FB and lack of innovation by earlier has resulted in firm going bankrupt within a short period of time. Secondly, productivity of new breed is higher compare to older ones. Infact, it has positive impact on faster decision making. Due to rapid globalization, factory can optimize the efficiency of its manpower and can further invest and be decisive in international expansion. For instance, average age of employees in hospitality giant OYO which started 6 years ago is 30 years and they have expanded to 80 countries within a short span of time due to their young workforce. On the other hand, Inco, which is family owned business run by older executives is still operating in 2 countries despite its inception 50 years ago. Thus, energetic young mind can yield 10x result compare to older executives. In conclusion, effeciency and modernization are two indespensable parts which new blood aids to rin the firm and creates the sustainable future. Given the situation, I completely agree that to sustain and achieve healthy profits marketplace, latest generation should be introduced to the system and older CXO level people should be ins
Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
argues
that
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
executives above age 55
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be urge to exit from the organization in order to give chance to the younger blood. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
blood can drive growth of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
via innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and higher productivity.

Firstly
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
age group brings fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
into the system which is vital for any institution to succeed. It is critical to generate differentiated products in the market, as consumer
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
frequently
changing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
staff are rigid to implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thoughts, which can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "prove"
proves
to be disastrous for the business
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Additionally
, firm can lose market share to competitors.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Orkut
was the best social networking site in the work in 2000,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology by FB and lack of innovation by earlier has resulted in firm going bankrupt within a short period of time.

Secondly
, productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
breed is higher compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ones.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Infact
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on faster
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. Due to rapid globalization, factory can optimize the efficiency of its manpower and can
further
invest and be decisive in international expansion.
For instance
, average age of employees in hospitality giant
Possible spelling mistake found.
OYO
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
6 years ago is 30
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
they have expanded to 80 countries within a short span of time due to their young workforce.
On the other hand
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inco
, which is family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
business run by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
executives is
still
operating in 2 countries despite its inception 50 years ago.
Thus
, energetic young mind can yield 10x result compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
executives.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
effeciency
and modernization are two
Possible spelling mistake found.
indespensable
parts which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
blood aids to
Possible spelling mistake found.
rin
the firm and creates the sustainable future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the situation, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that to sustain and achieve healthy
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "profits'" or "profit's"?
profits
marketplace,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
generation should
be introduced
to the system and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
CXO level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
ins
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Both The Poor And The Rich Find Accessibility Into University Difficult. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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