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Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation? v.1

Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation? v. 1
In this modern era, rising expenses with emerging needs, solicits both the partners in a family, to work. We can’t deny the fact that the role of women in society has been radically changed in the past few decades. Despite these incredible advances, only a negligible percentage of women are working in the tech field. In this essay, we can discuss the possible reasons for this and can find some measure to overcome. Firstly, techies are those individuals in technological field where they have to Struggle in shifts. Not only in this office, but also they have to do a lot of assignments from home, which demands concentration as well as the time. According to the most of the family-unwritten law, the household works are assigned only to the women at home, where the woman has to chore from dawn to dusk, which doesn’t provide them much time for professional duties. Secondly, the shift timings. According to the survey by an NGO held in 2017, majority of woman techies are giving-up the job due to the security concern as the authorities can’t solve the problem of poor security in the workplace. Furthermore, Forum for women software professional have come forward citing cases that concern harassment, including sexual, maternity leave, pay inequity and more. Women are highly discriminated and men always get an upper-edge compared to women during recruitment, in spite of qualification. The involvement of the state women’s commission can somewhat solve this dilemma. Forming a grievance cell or the complaints committee for investigating and solving the issues, in the company can resolve the employment-linked disputes to an extent. Providing a safe cab facility can ensure the safety of female employees during late endeavour hours. Nowadays there are several companies who are coming up with new policies and rules to offer a safe and secure atmosphere to the female employees. Last but not the least, family should educate the men members, to respect the woman and implement gender equality in every household works. In conclusion, from running a jet plane, teaching kids to serving as admin head or company executive, women are seen playing each role with aplomb. If given proper support, female employees can perform better than men, rising the ratio. It’s not only about the degree you owe that matters, but about the values and thinking you follow that make a difference.
In this modern era, rising expenses with emerging needs, solicits both the partners in a family, to work. We can’t deny the fact that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in society has been
radically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the past few decades. Despite these incredible advances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a negligible percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are working in the tech field. In this essay, we can discuss the possible reasons for this and can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measure to overcome.

Firstly
, techies are those individuals in technological field where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to


Struggle in shifts. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
in this office,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
assignments from home, which demands concentration
as well
as the time. According to the most of the family-unwritten law, the household works
are assigned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
at home, where the woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
chore from dawn to dusk, which doesn’t provide them much time for professional duties.
Secondly
, the shift timings. According to the survey by an NGO held in 2017,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
woman techies are giving-up the job due to the security concern as the authorities can’t solve the problem of poor security in the workplace.
Furthermore
, Forum for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
software professional have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward citing cases that concern harassment, including sexual, maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, pay inequity and more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are
highly
discriminated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an upper-edge compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
during recruitment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
qualification.

The involvement of the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
commission can somewhat solve this dilemma. Forming a grievance cell or the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "complaints'" or "complaint's"?
complaints
committee for investigating and solving the issues, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can resolve the employment-linked disputes to an extent. Providing a safe cab facility can ensure the safety of female employees during late
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
hours. Nowadays there are several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who are coming up with new policies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to offer a safe and secure atmosphere to the female employees. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, family should educate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
members, to respect the woman and implement gender equality in every household works.

In conclusion
, from running a jet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
, teaching kids to
Did you mean "serve"?
serving
as admin head or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
executive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
playing each role with aplomb. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proper support, female employees can perform better than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, rising the ratio. It’s not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
about the degree you owe that matters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
about the values and thinking you follow that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Only 20% of Tech Jobs are Held by Women. What problems do women face that prevent them from getting these jobs and what must be done to change this situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
394 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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