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Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v.4

Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 4
A celebrity reaps many advantages and demerits from being famous. The public perception is that popular figures do not enjoy a personal life. However, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I believe that being famous has more pros than cons. To commence with, celebrities can lead a life full of luxury. They, usually, can bring many fortunes to them and their family. Celebrated figures, particularly movie starts and successful athletes, are generally richer than the average public. Expensive clothes, luxurious cars and homes, and other materialistic pleasures of life translate dreams into reality when a person becomes famous. Moreover, the noted personalities have many admirers. Fan’s respect and love, very often, inspire famous persons to achieve greater success. Furthermore, plenty of opportunities is opened up when people become renowned. For instance, someone like Cristiano Ronaldo lead a life that is enviable by others. On the flip side of the coin, many a time, celebrities hate being famous. First of all, people incessantly judge the superstars. Magazines, tabloids, newspaper, social networks, and other forms of media are quick to criticize a celebrity on his habits, personality, and personal affairs. The scandalous reports are common to many popular personalities. Sometimes a celebrity is traumatized by the fake stories. Second, celebrities often cannot do things that the common people can. They are mobbed by adoring fans wherever they go. Take Tom Cruise for an example – what would happen if he walks down to a shopping mall on a regular day? He would be hounded for selfies and autographs. In conclusion, being famous is a double-edged sword for many. However, the fame and fortune are brought by the celebrities outweigh the negative aspects. After all, everything has its cost but who would not want to cherish life and fame due to a small price?
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
reaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages and demerits from being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
. The public perception is that popular figures do not enjoy a personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I believe that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
has more pros than cons.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
full of luxury. They,
usually
, can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fortunes to them and their family. Celebrated figures,
particularly
movie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
and successful athletes, are
generally
richer than the average public. Expensive clothes, luxurious cars and homes, and other materialistic pleasures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
translate dreams into reality when a person becomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
.
Moreover
, the noted personalities have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
admirers. Fan’s respect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
persons to achieve greater success.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities
is opened
up when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become renowned.
For instance
, someone like Cristiano Ronaldo lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that is
enviable by others.

On the flip side of the coin,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
hate being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
incessantly
judge the superstars. Magazines, tabloids, newspaper, social networks, and other forms of media are quick to criticize a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
on his habits, personality, and personal affairs. The scandalous reports are common to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
popular personalities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
is traumatized
by the fake stories. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cannot do things that the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can. They
are mobbed
by adoring fans wherever they go. Take Tom Cruise for an example
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
what would happen if he walks down to a shopping mall on a regular day? He would
be hounded
for selfies and autographs.

In conclusion
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
is a double-edged sword for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
However
, the fame and fortune
are brought
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
After all
, everything has its cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
who would not want to cherish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and fame due to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
price?
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Being a celebrity, such as a famous film star or sports personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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