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Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 1
Nowadays people focusing on being a famous person they intend to spread their reputation around them. But there are some people who have a strong feelings on their argument. I think being a celebrity, has to face many problems as well as can pleasure many facilities. Both view will be discussed before drawing a reasonable conclusion. On the one hand, a substantial number of people who are they spend their entire life to be celebrity. In the first place, it can be said that celebrity can earn a huge amount of money which they are able to buy all the amenities of life. For example, not only they can buy luxury apartments in a posh area but also they can visit an exclusive restaurants where general people do not have any access. Moreover, general people especially young generation always attempt to follow them such as their hairstyle, dress up and way of speaking. For these celebrities feel proud. on the other hand, even though there are no shortcomings in their life they can not move like an ordinary people. Moreover, being a celebrity, sometimes it may have influence in their life to lead astray. As a result, they become an enemy of the people as well as the country. For instance, Aadil Khan was the famous hero across the country after passing two years as a successful hero, he engaged himself such as actions which are really detrimental for country and he left the country forever. Furthermore, most of the time well-known persons get involved themselves with immoral activities. To conclude, I consider that, although being a celebrity has some benefits and drawbacks, they should not go far away from the right path. Moreover, they have to be honest as well as try to keep in balance of their life.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focusing on being a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person they intend to spread their reputation around them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have a strong
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "feeling"?
feelings
on their argument. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems
as well
as can pleasure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities. Both view will
be discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a reasonable conclusion.

On the one hand, a substantial number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are they spend their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
. In the
first
place, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
can earn a huge amount of money which they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all the amenities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
luxury apartments in a posh area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can visit an exclusive
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "restaurant"?
restaurants
where general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any access.
Moreover
, general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
young generation always attempt to follow them such as their hairstyle, dress up and way of speaking. For these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
feel proud.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand,
even though
there are no shortcomings in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
like an ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it may have influence in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to lead astray.
As a result
, they become an enemy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aadil
Khan was the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
hero across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
after passing two years as a successful hero, he engaged himself such as actions which are
really
detrimental for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
forever.
Furthermore
, most of the time well-known persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved themselves with immoral activities.

To conclude
, I consider that, although being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits and drawbacks, they should not go far away from the right path.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be honest
as well
as try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in balance of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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