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Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.1

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 1
It is believed by many people that Instead of purchasing expensive arts our government can spend that money anywhere else. In my opinion, I agree to this since money is a valuable resource and there are many causes that needs our governments urgent attention with financial help. Buying an art is expensive, but if our government is wasting its assets in arts then it is not a very good thing. As we know that in our country farmers always are in need of financial help, government can redirect their expenses and help them out. This would help the farmer’s community and increase the productivity of crops and vegetables. There has been cases farmer suicides where they weren’t able to pay back the loan because of some natural calamity the crops were damaged. So instead of giving money to artists for their impeccable art, government can help these farmers with their dues. Secondly, instead of buying art from outside our country, the government can export the national talent’s work and try to make a fortune out of that. Since buying from an international artist can cost a huge amount. So if we export our own artists to global level. It will not only help the artist to get recognized, but also can help improving his finances. Also, if our government buys art from a national artist it would cost them much less than what the international artists’ charges. In conclusion, I would say that instead of wasting resources on the arts, government should be helping those who are economically weak and need their urgent financial attention.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
Instead
of purchasing expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can spend that money anywhere else. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this since money is a valuable resource and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes that needs our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
urgent attention with financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

Buying an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is expensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is wasting its assets in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
then it is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing. As we know that in our country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
always are in need of financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can redirect their expenses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them out. This would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmer’s
community and increase the productivity of crops and vegetables. There has been cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmer
suicides where they weren’t able to pay back the loan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
natural calamity the crops
were damaged
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
instead
of giving money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
for their impeccable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
with their dues.

Secondly
,
instead
of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
from outside our country, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can export the national talent’s work and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fortune out of that.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
buying from an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
can cost a huge amount.
“So if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So if
we export our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to global level. It will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recognized,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
his finances.
Also
, if our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
from a national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
it would cost them much less than what the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists’
charges.

In conclusion
, I would say that
instead
of wasting resources on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be helping those who are
economically
weak and need their urgent financial attention.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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