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Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and the government should encourage businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and the government should encourage businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Housing and traffic congestion issues are on the increase in large urban areas, there is an argument that the government ought to persuade companies to relocate to the countryside. I think that the advantages of this outweigh the downsides because housing and business overheads are more affordable and there are fewer traffic problems. Admittedly, there are disadvantages to relocating businesses and companies to rural areas. One of these is that many employees have settled with their families and own their own homes. Moving to a rural area would uproot them and their families, in addition, they may not be suited to life in the country so this could cause stress and motivation issues. To illustrate this, the Guardian newspaper carried out a survey in 2014 of employees who were transferred to new offices in small towns and rural locations. 58% of them said they were unhappy with the move and had trouble settling down. Despite these downsides, , I believe that the advantages of moving out of big cities far outweigh the disadvantages. One of these is that housing is larger and much more affordable. For instance, a small apartment in London costs three times that of a large apartment in Wiltshire which is in a very rural location. Company overheads are also far more cost effective outside of cities. An office space 15 miles out of London tends to be much bigger and overall rental costs are considerably lower than that of London. Another obvious benefit is that traffic congestion is no longer an issue in rural areas or villages. In conclusion, even though there may be downsides to companies moving out of cities, I think that relocating to the countryside carries more advantages because of cost-effective housing and business rents are much lower.
Housing and traffic congestion issues are on the increase in large urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, there is an argument that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to relocate to the countryside. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advantages of this outweigh the downsides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
housing and business overheads are more affordable and there are fewer traffic problems.

Admittedly
, there are disadvantages to relocating businesses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. One of these is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees have settled with their families and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
homes. Moving to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
would uproot them and their families,
in addition
, they may not
be suited
to life in the country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this could cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and motivation issues. To illustrate this, the Guardian newspaper carried out a survey in 2014 of employees who
were transferred
to new offices in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
locations. 58% of them said they were unhappy with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and had trouble settling down.

Despite these downsides,
Two consecutive commas
,
I believe that the advantages of moving out of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities far outweigh the disadvantages. One of these is that housing is larger and much more affordable.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
apartment in London costs three times that of a large apartment in Wiltshire which is in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
location.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Company
overheads are
also
far more cost effective outside of cities. An office space
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
15 miles
out of London tends to be much bigger and
overall
rental costs are
considerably
lower than that of London. Another obvious benefit is that traffic congestion is no longer an issue in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
or villages.

In conclusion
,
even though
there may be downsides to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
moving out of cities, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that relocating to the countryside carries more advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of cost-effective housing and business rents are much lower.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and the government should encourage businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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