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Because most information about culture and history can be found on the internet today, museums are not necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Because most information about culture and history can be found on the internet today, museums are not necessary. v. 1
TAt present the maximum data regarding culture and history can be updated in the internet nowadays; therefore, the museums are not an essential matter. However, I disagree with this assertion, and this essay will examine the reason why this is not viable according to me. Let us understand the reason why I realize that the museums are valuable for knowing customs and history. To begin with, enriching knowledge is the most convenient concern. When the selves are exploring a museum, they can watch historical materials such as, bed, jewellery and books; as a result, the people gain eruditions of their culture. For instance, a local newspaper published a news that about 52% of the traditional ingredients are stored in museums. Besides, improving language related knowledge is another fact which cannot be disregarded as well; else, by visiting museum, the individuals read the language related information; hence, they informed concerning their previous generation. Although, it is said that the folks might study about customs and mores from the web. Adding that, viewing traditional elements in the web, which probably help for knowing various histories; so the public might learn data regarding culture and language. Nevertheless, I believe that the internet can publish bogus pictures of historic components. For example, the researchers are indicating that the social media displays around 63% of false photographs, which diminish the tradition of a territory museum can develop a sense of humour regarding cultures and history. To conclude, undoubtedly touring museums can enrich knowledge about the customs and mores; thus, I assume that the museums provide positive things for a state.
Possible spelling mistake found.
TAt
present the maximum data regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history can
be updated
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
nowadays;
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are not an essential matter.
However
, I disagree with this assertion, and this essay will examine the reason why this is not viable according to me.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us understand the reason why I realize that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are valuable for knowing customs and history. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, enriching knowledge is the most convenient concern. When the selves are exploring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
historical materials such as, bed,
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
and books;
as a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gain
Possible spelling mistake found.
eruditions
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For instance
, a local newspaper published
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "news".
a news
that about 52% of the traditional ingredients
are stored
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Besides
, improving language related knowledge is another fact which cannot
be disregarded
as well
; else, by visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, the individuals read the language related information;
hence
, they informed concerning their previous generation.

Although, it
is said
that the folks might study about customs and mores from the web. Adding that, viewing traditional elements
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the web".
in the web
, which
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for knowing various histories;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the public might learn data regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and language.
Nevertheless
, I believe that the internet can publish bogus pictures of historic components.
For example
, the researchers are indicating that the social media displays around 63% of false photographs, which diminish the tradition of a territory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can develop a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'humour' is British English.
humour
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and history.

To conclude
,
undoubtedly
touring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can enrich knowledge about the customs and mores;
thus
, I assume that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things for a state.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Because most information about culture and history can be found on the internet today, museums are not necessary. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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