Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.7

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7
The proportion of elderly people in some countries, like Japan, is considerably higher while in some other regions, including some Asian and Western countries, young people comprise the highest percentage of their population. Having a larger proportion of youth is considered to have more advantages for a country and I think that a country should have more active and educated young population for faster development. To begin with, the young generation is dynamic, energetic and can contribute to the production and job sectors of the country and this has a huge positive impact on the economic development of the country. They come with fresh ideas and are free from old superstitions and traditional beliefs. This gives them a competitive advantage for the faster progress of the country. Educated young generation is the best resource a country can have and their contribution to the country is significantly higher than the participation of children and elder people. The children are the future of a country and the elder people have already contributed. On the contrary, the young generation is the active workforce and can lead the overall growth of the country. They are the earning members while children and senior peoples are dependent on them. Young generation can learn things faster and can share ideas globally and this is why they are better leaders. ICT sector, for instance, is full of fresh minds and this sector is considered the most prominent one for the development of a country, especially in this era, and this sector is globally led by young people. The contribution of the older people, however, could not be denied and they have already done their part of reforming the country. They have vast experience and historical knowledge that are vital for the decision making. They are often considered better fit for the decision making positions and the tax they have paid their entire life made the progress of the country possible. To conclude, older people should not be considered a burden for the country, however, the young have more to contribute to the society and the country as a whole. This is why it is more beneficial for a country to have an active workforce than dependent senior citizens.
The proportion of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, like Japan, is
considerably
higher while in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other regions, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asian and Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
comprise the highest percentage of their population. Having a larger proportion of youth is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
to have more advantages for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should have more active and educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population for faster development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is dynamic, energetic and can contribute to the production and job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and this has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the economic development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and are free from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
superstitions and traditional beliefs. This gives them a competitive advantage for the faster progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is the best resource a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can have and their contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
significantly
higher than the participation of children and elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The children are the future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have already contributed.
On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation is the active workforce and can lead the
overall
growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They are the earning members while children and senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are dependent on them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
generation can learn things faster and can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
globally and this is why they are better leaders. ICT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
,
for instance
, is full of fresh minds and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
the most prominent one for the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
especially
in this era, and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
is globally led by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The contribution of the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, could not be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
denied and
they have already done their part of reforming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They have vast experience and historical knowledge that are vital for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
better fit for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
positions and the tax they have paid their entire life made the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
possible.

To conclude
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
considered
a burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
have more to contribute to the society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as a whole. This is why it is more beneficial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to have an active workforce than dependent senior citizens.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts