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Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. v.1

Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. v. 1
Parental influence and family life have huge importance to the development of a child, according to many, while others opine that children's behaviour is influenced more by outside factors like friends, teachers and the surrounding environment. In my opinion, influences of parents, relatives and family life are essential for the proper psychological and physical growth of a child, but environmental and external influences are more useful for them to confront real life. This essay will discuss both views before drawing a rational conclusion. On one hand, parents have remarkable impacts on their children's growth, especially to shape a good childhood. The sense of family, relationship, responsibility, and punctuality are instilled in a child by parents and it plays an influential role on their maturity. Love and attention from parents develop a strong character in a child while the lack of proper parenting often ruins it, according to many psychologists. Furthermore, children mostly mimic their parents and become more like them. Undoubtedly, this single fact proves how important it is for a child to have a family and proper parenting. On the other hand, to become a complete human, we need to study in a school, interact with teachers and neighbours, have friends, face challenges, learn from our environment, gain social experiences and all those factors have crucial roles to play in a child’s life. Parents keep their offspring safe from dangers while their real life experiences teach them how to deal with those obstacles. Outside the home, children encounter several kinds of situations that teach them how to solve their own problems. Furthermore, children learn invaluable skills in schools which help them develop a sense of community to have a normal life beyond their family borders. To infer, I am convinced that while parents have a huge impact on children’s attitude, social interactions and external factors are also imperative and cannot be ignored for a child's overall development.
Parental influence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
have huge importance to the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, while others opine that children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is influenced
more by outside factors like friends, teachers and the surrounding environment. In my opinion, influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, relatives and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are essential for the proper psychological and physical growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
environmental and external influences are more useful for them to confront real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This essay will discuss both views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a rational conclusion.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have remarkable impacts on their children's growth,
especially
to shape a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
childhood. The sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, relationship, responsibility, and punctuality
are instilled
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and it plays an influential role on their maturity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Love
and attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
develop a strong character in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
while the lack of proper parenting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
ruins it, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
psychologists.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mostly
mimic their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and become more like them.
Undoubtedly
, this single fact proves how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
it is for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and proper parenting.

On the other hand
, to become a complete human, we need to study in a school, interact with teachers and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
, have friends, face challenges, learn from our environment, gain social experiences and all those factors have crucial roles to play in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their offspring safe from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
while their real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experiences teach them how to deal with those obstacles. Outside the home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
encounter several kinds of situations that teach them how to solve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn invaluable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in schools which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop a sense of community to have a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
beyond their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
borders.

To infer, I
am convinced
that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a huge impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
attitude, social interactions and external factors are
also
imperative and cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
for a child's
overall
development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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