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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Nowadays, countries are more varied in their population as some have large number of young adults when compared to older people. In my opinion, this creates pros that outweighs cons as young adults tend to contribute more and are less prone to diseases that are commonly found in older people. Having more young adults can benefit in various ways, starting off with their energy and their enthusiasm which is presumed to be at a higher level than older people according to their age which might lead to their contribution level for society and at longer working hours with new thinking ways and creativity. However, this does not mean that older people do not contribute at all, but their probability of contributing the same as these adolescents is lower. Another pros is that adolescents are less likely to be sick with the illness commonly found in older people which can be implied that their work might be more tiring or more workload such as whole week working with sleep deprivation. In contrast, having more young adults can also impacts decision making as they do not have as much experiences as older people. In fact, sometimes older people’s decisions are better. More young adults and less older people also means that there will not be as much coach to teach experiences and tips. From this situation, even though the pros of more adolescents outweighs the cons, they should also respect and ask older people for suggestions as they are more experienced.
Nowadays, countries are more varied in their population as
some
have
large number of
young
adults
when compared to
older
people
. In my opinion, this creates pros that outweighs cons as
young
adults
tend to contribute more and are less prone to diseases that are
commonly
found in
older
people
.

Having more
young
adults
can benefit in various ways, starting off with their energy and their enthusiasm which
is presumed
to be at a higher level than
older
people
according to their age which might lead to their contribution level for society and at longer working hours with new thinking ways and creativity.
However
, this does not mean that
older
people
do not contribute at all,
but
their probability of contributing the same as these adolescents is lower. Another pros
is
that adolescents are less likely to be sick with the illness
commonly
found in
older
people
which can
be implied
that their work might be more tiring or more workload such as whole week working with sleep deprivation.

In contrast
, having more
young
adults
can
also
impacts
decision making
as they do not have as
much
experiences as
older
people
. In fact,
sometimes
older
people’s
decisions are better. More
young
adults
and less
older
people
also
means that there will not be as much coach to teach experiences and tips.

From this situation,
even though
the pros of more adolescents outweighs the cons, they should
also
respect and ask
older
people
for suggestions as they are more experienced.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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