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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6
With the ever-growing population of the world, it is quite common to observe certain countries with a relatively large number of young adults, compared to the older population. In this essay, I plan to explain and underline the advantages associated with such a generation-ratio situation and how they, quite successfully, outweigh the disadvantages. We observe a large number of young adults in countries such as India, Canada, and Singapore. One plausible reason for a younger to older population ratio mismatch, apart from the fact that the world observed a population boom in countries like India in the '70s and '80s, could be rooted in the fact that as compared to the present-day nuclear families, the families of the previous decade saw parents raising at least two to three children. This contributes to a larger youth dominated population which I strongly believe is key to reorienting the country's goals for the next 15-20 years. In my experience, I have often observed that there is a distinct generation gap between people of the older and the younger generations which contributes to diverging opinions and ideologies. In my country, India, it is not uncommon to state that the ideologies of life and the responsibilities of the youth are a common topic of debate among older people. These eventually lead to ego clashes and hence, to a bifurcation of the school of thought which pushes people to take stands on sensitive issues. In the recent past, we saw the immediate removal of article 377 which disapproved of people of the LGBTQ+ community. This topic was extensively debated and it is not a gross generalization to state that the legalization of the freedom to possess a unique sexual identity was looked down upon by the older generation, it was only because of the new-wave paradigm shifts in the school of thought among the youth that the judgment on the issue could see the light of day. This is a prime example of the youth probing for common ground and reorienting the country from certain social stigmas to a brighter and more liberal future. The youth also play an important role in shaping the spirit that would eventually go on to encourage the population to pave a new path that the country would follow into the future, this path could be novel advancements in science such as the second quantum revolution we are observing in countries like Canada or a pathway into a more peaceful and non-violent future which we are observing in Ethiopia, where the young prime minister, Abiy Ahmed was awarded the Nobel peace prize for dampening the border tensions with the neighbouring country Eritrea and probing for solutions to a violence-free future for the country. The population ratio mismatch happens in cycles which are rare but history has shown us that we are to make the most of it. When used correctly, the youth of today could bring about another Renaissance, or another industrial revolution, or even another golden age. In conclusion and in light of the above mentioned, I believe that advantages of the situation greatly outweigh the disadvantages and that a youth-dominated country could bring about a revolution that could serve to be a great benefit to humankind of the future generations.
With the ever-growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the world, it is quite common to observe certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with a
relatively
large number of young adults, compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. In this essay, I plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
and underline the advantages associated with such a generation-ratio situation and how they, quite
successfully
, outweigh the disadvantages.

We observe
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
young adults in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as India, Canada, and Singapore. One plausible reason for a younger to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
ratio mismatch, apart from the fact that the world observed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
boom in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like India in the '70s and '80s, could
be rooted
in the fact that as compared to the present-day nuclear families, the families of the previous decade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
parents raising at least two to three children. This contributes to a larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
dominated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
which I
strongly
believe is key to reorienting the country's goals for the
next
15-20 years. In my experience, I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that there is a distinct generation gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
and the younger generations which contributes to diverging opinions and ideologies. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, India, it is not uncommon to state that the ideologies of life and the responsibilities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
are a common topic of debate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These
eventually
lead to ego clashes and
hence
, to a bifurcation of the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
which pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take stands on sensitive issues.

In the recent past, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the immediate removal of article 377 which disapproved of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the LGBTQ+ community. This topic was
extensively
debated and it is not a gross generalization to state that the legalization of the freedom to possess a unique sexual identity
was looked
down upon by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation, it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the new-wave paradigm shifts in the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
that the judgment on the issue could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the light of day. This is a prime example of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
probing for common ground and reorienting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
from certain social stigmas to a brighter and more liberal future.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in shaping the spirit that would
eventually
go on to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
to pave a new path that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would follow into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, this path could be novel advancements in science such as the second quantum revolution we are observing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Canada or a pathway into a more peaceful and non-violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
which we are observing in Ethiopia, where the young prime minister,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abiy
Ahmed
was awarded
the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Nobel peace prize
for dampening the border tensions with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Eritrea and probing for solutions to a violence-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
for the country.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
ratio mismatch happens in cycles which are rare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
history has shown us that we are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of it. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
correctly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
could bring about another Renaissance, or another industrial revolution, or even another golden age.
In conclusion
and in light of the above mentioned, I believe that advantages of the situation
greatly
outweigh the disadvantages and that a youth-dominated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could bring about a revolution that could serve to be a great benefit to humankind of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generations.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
541 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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