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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.34

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 34
The demographic of a country varies from one another, but these days, the population of young people is outracing the older ones. While there are a lot of advantages and disadvantages relating to this topic, the drawbacks precede over the positive aspects. Based on recent data, most countries with a higher youth population tend to have a miserable life expectancy rate, a probable result from an increasing birth rate without the availability of the right resources for such conditions. Consequently, most of its population will suffer from poverty and awful living conditions. In addition, the rate of unemployment will skyrocket as the number of workers exceeds the variety of job fields available. For instance, underdeveloped countries such as Nigeria, Indonesia, and Kenya all fit the descriptions. However, there are some possible advantages. The cultures and customs of these countries will never diminish. As a result of their rapid birth rate, there are new generations born almost every day that could prevent these cultures from ever disappearing. Furthermore, the development of a nation is greatly dependent with fresh ideas made by its civilians. Currently, countries like Germany, Singapore, and Japan are at risk because they are running out of young people that could lead and continue to improve their country. In conclusion, although there are a few advantages regarding the high rate of young civilians in a country, there is a plethora of benefits that outweigh the negative aspects. A nation will be more efficient if the population of young adults does not outnumber older citizens.
The demographic of a
country
varies from one another,
but
these days, the
population
of
young
people
is outracing the older ones. While there are
a lot of
advantages and disadvantages relating to this topic, the drawbacks precede over the
positive
aspects.

Based on recent data, most
countries
with a higher youth
population
tend to have a miserable life expectancy
rate
, a probable result from an increasing birth
rate
without the availability of the right resources for such conditions.
Consequently
, most of its
population
will suffer from poverty and awful living conditions.
In addition
, the
rate
of unemployment will skyrocket as the number of workers exceeds the variety of job fields available.
For instance
, underdeveloped
countries
such as Nigeria, Indonesia, and Kenya all fit the descriptions.

However
, there are
some
possible advantages. The cultures and customs of these
countries
will never diminish.
As a result
of their rapid birth
rate
, there are new generations born almost every day that could
prevent
these cultures from ever disappearing.
Furthermore
, the development of a nation is
greatly
dependent with fresh
ideas
made by its civilians.
Currently
,
countries
like Germany, Singapore, and Japan are at
risk
because
they are running out of
young
people
that could lead and continue to
improve
their country.

In conclusion
, although there are a few advantages regarding the high
rate
of
young
civilians in a
country
, there is a plethora of benefits that outweigh the
negative
aspects. A nation will be more efficient if the
population
of
young
adults does not outnumber older citizens.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 34

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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