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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages and disadvantages. v.33

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages and disadvantages. v. 33
It is believed by some people that now young adults have a large population, but people polarised that the mix of young people and old masses is very essential for the government and the nation. In my opinion, it has merits and demerits which I explain in the subsequent paragraph. To begin with, the merits predominant one is young adults have a new ideas and new experience and their ability to bring about a necessary change in the thinking of the country also invent new items which are absolutely beneficial for the nation. Apart from this, adult individual is more reptile than old populace because they are healthier and their struggle, strength is longer rather than older people so they do industry for long hours due to which they industry in which company that obtain more profit for the younger workers. Therefore, young adults familiar with the technology such as many educational, medical and industrial field make a use of advanced but old person not familiar with the new technology since it is good for their future generations. Furthermore, old masses have a vast experience from a year of working which is crucial in the decision making, but young people have no more experience for works. Thereafter, if the young generation population incline, then they want jobs, but that time law has no vacancies due to which youth are unemployment and go in bad company. For example, in India youth do industry 70 percent. In conclusion, it is suggested by some of us that old people are more experienced for trial. In fact, new workers observe all information about older workers.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have a large population,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
that the mix of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
masses is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the nation. In my opinion, it has merits and demerits which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in the subsequent paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the merits predominant one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experience and their ability to bring about a necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the thinking of the country
also
invent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
items which are
absolutely
beneficial for the nation. Apart from this, adult individual is more reptile than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
populace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are healthier and their struggle, strength is longer
rather
than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do industry for long hours due to which
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they industry
in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that obtain more profit for the younger workers.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
familiar with the technology such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational, medical and industrial field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of advanced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
person not familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology since it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their future generations.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
masses have a vast experience from a year of working which is crucial in the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no more experience for works. Thereafter, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation population incline, then they want jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that time law has no vacancies due to which youth are unemployment and go in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
, in India youth do industry 70 percent.

In conclusion
, it
is suggested
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more experienced for trial. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
workers observe all information about older workers.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages and disadvantages. v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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