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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.30

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 30
In today's world, population composition plays a crucial role in deciding the future of a country. While some countries have a large proportion of teenagers, others have a comparatively huge chunk of older peoples, in their countries. However, are young adults more preferred for a country's economy, increased GDP and prosperity is a question to be answered. It has been viewed that the countries with a large number of young adults, like India, where almost 30% population is comprised of youth, have a stronger, vital and focused workforce who aim to innovate and reinvent. These juveniles tend to have fresh ideas that could be implemented to improve GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of the country thereby increasing economic and financial output. However, having such a population comes with its own drawbacks. Juvenile delinquencies have become a common sight in these nations. Apart from that, these young peoples must be provided with more resources and need to be nurtured and cared for well. This may burn a hole in the government's pocket. In other states; to illustrate - Japan, which has 50% population between the age of 50-60 years, have their own pros and cons. In such nations, citizens may have more experience and tend to be responsible in paying taxes. Also, traditions may be greatly respected. However, there are a number of pitfalls too. The number of juveniles has come down. Therefore, they do not have a secure future generation. Furthermore, these elderly people may need to be looked after in the near future. Countries like Japan are promoting couples to have children to tackle with this issue. To summarize, although having an adolescent population has its own drawbacks, it is a far more sustainable option which is better in the long run. The advantages of this situation largely outweigh the disadvantages.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
composition plays a crucial role in deciding the future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a large proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, others have a
comparatively
huge chunk of older peoples, in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, are young adults more preferred for a country's economy, increased GDP and prosperity is a question to
be answered
.

It has
been viewed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
young adults, like India, where almost 30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of" or "is composed of"?
is comprised of
youth, have a stronger, vital and focused workforce who aim to innovate and reinvent. These juveniles tend to have fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that could
be implemented
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
thereby increasing economic and financial output.
However
, having such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawbacks. Juvenile delinquencies have become a common sight in these nations. Apart from that, these young peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
with more resources and need to
be nurtured
and cared for well. This may burn a hole in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's pocket.

In other states; to illustrate
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Japan, which has 50%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
between the age of 50-60 years, have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons. In such nations, citizens may have more experience and tend to be responsible in paying taxes.
Also
, traditions may be
greatly
respected.
However
, there are a number of pitfalls too. The number of juveniles has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down.
Therefore
, they do not have a secure future generation.
Furthermore
, these elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may need to
be looked
after in the near future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
like Japan are promoting couples to have children to tackle with this issue.

To summarize
, although having an adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawbacks, it is a far more sustainable option which is better in the long run. The advantages of this situation
largely
outweigh the disadvantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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