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Nowadays some professionals such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs which you think should offer higher salaries? v.1

Nowadays some professionals such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs which you think should offer higher salaries? v. 1
It is irrefutable that some professions like doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. In the subsequent paragraphs, I shall discuss this issue at length and also suggest some other occupations, which deserve higher salaries. To begin with, professions, such as medical, engineering and law require far more years of study than what ordinary workers have to do. For example, for a basic M. B. B. S degree, more than 5 years of study is required, and after that to specialize in any specific field another three to five years are required. A person with a simple M. B. B. S degree does not earn all that high. Similar is the case with engineering and law professions. They have to undergo many years of struggle and training to finally reach their telephone-figure salaries. Secondly, it requires a lot of financial input to attain these degrees. Many students have to take loans to study, which they have to repay later on. They may remain in debt for many years while they pay off their student loans. Therefore, their higher salaries are justified. Ordinary workers, on the other hand, do not have to spend huge amounts on their college and university fees. What is more, some of these professions are round the-clock professions very challenging physically as well as emotionally. Finally, it would not be wrong to say that not all such professionals are highly paid. Many of them keep struggling throughout their lives. There are many other jobs which merit higher salaries. I believe that not only teachers, but also nurses are doing commendable jobs in the society. They should be paid lucrative salaries so that people want to join these occupations. Then, there are people working in our defence services such as the army, navy and air force. Because of them, we are led secure lives. That is why they deserve higher pay-packages. Furthermore, people working in high risk professions such as firefighters and security guards should be paid more and finally people in administrative posts such as IAS and IPS officers should have higher salaries. To sum up, there is no doubt that doctors, lawyers are receiving high salaries, but they rightly deserve them and many other professions are there which need to be paid more.
It is irrefutable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
like doctors, lawyers and engineers are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
much higher than ordinary workers. In the subsequent paragraphs, I shall discuss this issue at length and
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
occupations, which deserve higher salaries.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
, such as medical, engineering and law require far more years of study than what ordinary workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do.
For example
, for a basic M. B. B. S degree, more than 5 years of study
is required
, and after that to specialize in any specific field another three to five years
are required
. A person with a simple M. B. B. S degree does not earn all that high. Similar is the case with engineering and law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of struggle and training to
finally
reach their telephone-figure salaries.

Secondly
, it requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
financial input to attain these degrees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take loans to study, which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
repay later on. They may remain in debt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years while they pay off their student loans.
Therefore
, their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are justified
. Ordinary workers, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend huge amounts on their college and university fees.
What is more
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
are round the-clock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging
physically
as well
as
emotionally
.
Finally
, it would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that not all such professionals are
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
struggling throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs which merit higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
. I believe that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
nurses are doing commendable jobs in the society. They should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
these occupations. Then, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in our
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
services such as the army, navy and air force.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of them, we
are led
secure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
That is
why they deserve higher pay-packages.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
such as firefighters and security guards should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more and
finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in administrative posts such as IAS and IPS officers should have higher salaries.

To sum up, there is no doubt that doctors, lawyers are receiving high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
rightly
deserve them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
are there which need to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays some professionals such as doctors, lawyers and engineers are paid much higher than ordinary workers. What do you think of this trend? Are there any jobs which you think should offer higher salaries? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
381 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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