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Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. v. 3
The education curriculum of primary and secondary school has been always a debatable topic. Most people argue that the syllabus should have subjects on dealing with day to day activities, while others advocate that history should be a mandatory subject. In my opinion, I agree that children should have education in managing life and this essay will discuss both situations and support my stand. There is no doubt that history has been an important subject for everyone, we have learned many things such as Renaissance, about wars and non-cooperation movements through historical books. It would be integral for children of today learning and understanding what preceding generations has gone through to get, what they are getting easily. For example, right to vote for females was not there in previous centuries, however, now it mandatory for any gender to vote. Alternatively, this subject can teach many things pertaining to bigger challenges, though it is not suitable for overcoming daily life hurdles. Managing life has become a tedious job for young people and dealing with it is not taught. Many students are in a state of shock once they are employed and realisation happens that they did not study about this in the school, for instance, dealing with finances, paying bills and behaving with colleagues. They are often confused and they do not know how to manage their everyday life while educational institute still favour theoretical subjects which has zero relevances after school. If they are taught about taxes, medical exigencies and gender equality, then the world would become a better place as the children are getting conditioned with the reality of tomorrow. In conclusion, even though a person spends 14 years in completing studies, he/she is still confused and need training to deal with daily processes. While, history can give us lessons to curtail bigger problems, subjects which helps in dealing with life can make the world nicer and more livable.
The education curriculum of primary and secondary school has been always a debatable topic. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the syllabus should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dealing
with day to day activities, while others advocate that history should be a mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that children should have education in managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and this essay will discuss both situations and support my stand.

There is no doubt that history has been an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for everyone, we have learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as Renaissance, about wars and non-cooperation movements through historical books. It would be integral for children of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
learning and understanding what preceding generations has gone through to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
, what they are getting
easily
.
For example
, right to vote for females was not there in previous centuries,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
mandatory for any gender to vote.
Alternatively
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
can teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things pertaining to bigger challenges, though it is not suitable for overcoming daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
hurdles.

Managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has become a tedious job for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dealing
with it is not taught.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
students are in a state of shock once they
are employed
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'realisation' is British English.
realisation
happens that they did not study about this in the school,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dealing
with finances, paying bills and behaving with colleagues. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
confused and
they do not know how to manage their everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
while educational institute
still
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which has zero
Possible spelling mistake found.
relevances
after school. If they
are taught
about taxes, medical exigencies and gender equality, then the world would become a better place as the children are getting conditioned with the reality of tomorrow.

In conclusion
,
even though
a person spends 14 years in completing studies, he/she is
still
confused and need training
Did you mean "dealing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to deal
with daily processes. While, history can give us lessons to curtail bigger problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dealing
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world nicer and more livable.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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