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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.26

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 26
Nowadays, with the development of the countries, some countries are facing the problem of balance of the population between the young generation and elderly people. The situation may be caused due to the city development and government education. The influence of the different demography in age may result in both pros and cons for the society. Having a huge population of young adults can be benefited for the labour force for a country, For example, after World War II, there is a short term of the baby booming year in the U. S. A and it resulted in rapid economic growth in the following years. The reason for such trend is the government encouraging people to give more birth to enhance the workforce. The more young people fit into the workable age, the more profit the country can take advantage from this status of people. However, although the young adults can bring up countries' development, the society may also lead to poverty and lack of the welfare system. For instance, most underdeveloped countries still cannot find the resources for child care and medical help. Facing such inadequacy of the sufficient demography of people, no one in those countries has spare time to take care of their children and think about the importance of medical support. Hence, the society may end up forever working without proper procedures and precautions for people to retire and educate the next generation. While the countries are privileged to have enough young adults, it will suffer from the lack of balance on certain works that required the elderly people to pass on or cultivate for the new generation. In conclusion, the balance of demography in the social structure, the young and the elderly should be equal, is the only way to make the society prosperous.
Nowadays, with the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are facing the problem of balance of the population between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The situation may
be caused
due to the city development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
education. The influence of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
demography in age may result in both pros and cons for the society.

Having a huge population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults can
be benefited
for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
For example
, after World War II, there is a short term of the baby booming year in the U. S. A and it resulted in rapid economic growth in the following years. The reason for such trend is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give more birth to enhance the workforce. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fit into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
age, the more profit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can take advantage from this status of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults can bring up countries' development, the society may
also
lead to poverty and lack of the welfare system.
For instance
, most underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
still
cannot find the resources for child care and medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Facing such inadequacy of the sufficient demography of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, no one in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has spare time to take care of their children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the importance of medical support.
Hence
, the society may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up forever working without proper procedures and precautions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to retire and educate the
next
generation.

While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are privileged
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults, it will suffer from the lack of balance on certain works that required the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pass on or cultivate for the new generation.
In conclusion
, the balance of demography in the social structure, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and the elderly should be equal, is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the society prosperous.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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