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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v.12

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 12
In the recent decades, habitancy of youth in many countries increased and surpassed ancient. In my opinion, the positive impact of having a young population overweight the negative. This essay will discuss both advantage and disadvantage and gives relative examples. On the one hand, young blood does not have such experience in their work field as old one. To become a good specialist people need to practice for ages and try to learn new information every year. Meanwhile, old nation already has all the necessary knowledge and could do their work without any help. This factor increases the speed of problem solution in different situations. For example, Forbs journal published an article, where they had compared the average age of top management in large corporations such Google, Apple and Microsoft. The result was not surprised, all the companies prefer to have more experienced specialist. On the other hand, nowadays technology made a large step ahead and almost all industries applied smart options. As we all know, new generation has perfect computer skills and learn hi-tech rapidly. Simultaneously, grown generation just started to explore new technologies and it is harder to give them new data. In addition, possession of several languages makes a big superiority to young people. For instance, foreign companies in my country prefer to send abroad on upgrading mostly young employees. As a result, we can notice that most of managers have international experience and primely share their practice with colleagues. In conclusion, the advantage of large amount of youth are overshadowed the disadvantage. Therefore, I am convinced that such situation has a good impact on countries.
In the recent decades,
Possible spelling mistake found.
habitancy
of youth in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries increased and surpassed ancient. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population overweight the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. This essay will discuss both advantage and disadvantage and gives relative examples.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
blood does not have such experience in their work field as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one. To become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
specialist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to practice for ages and try to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
information every year. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
nation already has all the necessary knowledge and could do their work without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. This factor increases the speed of problem solution in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Forbs
journal published an article, where they had compared the average age of top management in large corporations such Google, Apple and Microsoft. The result was not surprised, all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to have more experienced specialist.

On the other hand
, nowadays technology made a large step ahead and almost all industries applied smart options. As we all know,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation has perfect computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and learn hi-tech
rapidly
.
Simultaneously
, grown generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies and it is harder to give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
data.
In addition
, possession of several languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
superiority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in my country prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
abroad on upgrading
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employees.
As a result
, we can notice that
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the managers") or simply say "most managers".
most of managers
have international experience and
Possible spelling mistake found.
primely
share their practice with colleagues.

In conclusion
, the advantage of large amount of youth
are overshadowed
the disadvantage.
Therefore
, I
am convinced
that such situation has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on countries.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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