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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.11

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 11
The debate weather it is a positive or negative development that today some countries have a higher percentage of the young people, compared to the number of the elderly people. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend clearly outweigh the drawbacks. In this essay, I shall analyse and examine the positive and negative aspects of this change and provide the supporting arguments for my selection. On the one hand, there are numerous predominant benefits of this tendency. Firstly, it is profitable for the economy, as the higher number of the young people that are available to join the workforce is present, it could result in a sharp boost to the economy of the country. Secondly, the amount of money invested in the senior care services is decreased, it further benefits the government in terms of the savings on the health coverages and pension plans. In addition, a recent study published at the Stanford University, showed that the countries with the highest population of the young generation, saved 35% more than compared to the countries with a lower ratio. On the other hand, the negative consequences of this trend cannot be ignored. For example, such a difference in the ratio of the young people to the older people, clearly indicate that the country is severely lacking in the experienced working class people. Furthermore, it could also result in a sudden spike in the unemployment rate in the nation. In conclusion, this is a topic which raises many questions in the contemporary life. From the given arguments and examples, I am inclined to say that the positive aspects of this development surpass the negative points. In the future, we could expect to witness a notable drift in this direction, that could bring both the good and bad news for the entire society.
The debate weather it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a higher percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, compared to the number of the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend
clearly
outweigh the drawbacks. In this essay, I shall
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
and examine the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
aspects of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and provide the supporting arguments for my selection.

On the one hand, there are numerous predominant benefits of this tendency.
Firstly
, it is profitable for the economy, as the higher number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the workforce is present, it could result in a sharp boost to the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Secondly
, the amount of money invested in the senior care services
is decreased
, it
further
benefits the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in terms of the savings on the health coverages and pension plans.
In addition
, a recent study published at the Stanford University,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with the highest population of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation, saved 35% more than compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with a lower ratio.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequences of this trend cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
For example
, such a difference in the ratio of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
clearly
indicate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
severely
lacking in the experienced working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, it could
also
result in a sudden spike in the unemployment rate in the nation.

In conclusion
, this is a topic which raises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions in the contemporary life. From the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
arguments and examples, I
am inclined
to say that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this development surpass the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
points. In the future, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to witness a notable drift in this direction, that could bring both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
news for the entire society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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