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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the the advantages of this situation out weight the disadvantages? v.10

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the the advantages of this situation out weight the disadvantages? v. 10
Having a large number of youth is a symbol of developing countries. Even this could have advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, the positive implications of having more youth then old age out weight the negative ones. The greatest benefit of having young people in the nation is that, they are active and hard working. They are physically strong so that they could do around 40 to 45 hours work per week and that could help the country increases in the economy. Young adults are sports addicted so they sometimes choose a sport as their career option and in the future they could become a great sportsman. For example, Virat Kohli had entered in cricket at the age of 17 and now he is the world's number 1 cricketer alive and making India proud. Because of these reasons, having the higher figure of youthful in countries could put it on the road to be the developed country. On the other hand, if country has a lack of old person then it could result in lack of professionals in the nation. Younger people don't have an experience and also some level of education which is important. Older people are likely to see everything in their life till the age of 50 so they can handle every situation. In contrast, young people can't handle stressful situations and as a result, they could walk on the road of crime. For instance, a recent study shows that country named Niger which has a large number of youth and it also has a higher crime rate. It is for this reasons, the lack of old person could result in to destroy the country. In conclusion, more and more countries want to have a large number of youth. Because of these countries will have a benefit like increase in economy and chance to be the number one in the world, but they would also face demerits like increases in crime rates and low experience at higher positions. In my opinion, having more youth in country is more advantages than disadvantages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is a symbol of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Even this could have advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
implications of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
Did you mean "than"?
then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age out weight the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones.

The greatest benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the nation is that, they are active and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
. They are
physically
strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could do around 40 to 45 hours work per week and that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
increases in the economy. Young adults are sports addicted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
choose a sport as their career option and in the future they could become a great sportsman.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
had entered in cricket at the age of 17 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he is the world's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
1 cricketer alive and making India proud.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the higher figure of youthful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could put it on the road to be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a lack of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
person then it could result in lack of professionals in the nation. Younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't have an experience and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
level of education which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everything in their life till the age of 50
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can handle every situation.
In contrast
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can't handle stressful situations and
as a result
, they could walk on the road of crime.
For instance
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
named Niger which has a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
and it
also
has a higher crime rate. It is for
Did you mean "these"?
this
reasons, the lack of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
person could result in to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the country.

In conclusion
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
want to have a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will have a benefit like increase in economy and chance to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
one in the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they would
also
face demerits like increases in crime rates and low experience at higher positions. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is more advantages than disadvantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the the advantages of this situation out weight the disadvantages? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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