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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the the advantages of this situation out weight the disadvantages? v.9

Nowadays, young people occupy the above 50 percentage of the populations and older people are minority, which phenomenon is happening in a number of countries. It is true that young people enable to contribute to the countries more actively. However, both pros and cons are involved in this condition. In my opinion, there are more advantages and in this essay I will discuss in further with a variety of examples. No one can deny that larger number of young adults than older people in a large country will lead to some disadvantages, but these are relatively minor. One of the primary problem is that a less of older people can impart work experience to the young people and it may influences multiple nation will be confronted with diversity issues to happen on distinct occupation fields particularly education realm. For example, new teachers need to follow an older teacher to consult how do they can successfully control the class as students don't focus on academic learning. What I mean is that older teachers can express various experience to young teachers. Therefore, if a less of old people on the work positions, it means that is disadvantage to that industry. Turning to other side, countries contain a relatively large number of people, which will bring various benefits. Firstly, young nation will make whose country more active. People may have positive attitude to welcome for each single day and they will be enthusiasm on many aspects such as working, expanding numerous entertainment activities and more extreme sports. Secondly, young people are efficiency on the working and thus many industries will have a rapid improvement instead of as older people usually prolong the world development progress. For instance, young individuals have adequate time and sufficient energy to concentrate on working and therefore country's economic will be enhanced. In conclusion, I personally believe that there are more advantages surpass disadvantages. Although, young society people has less experience especially on the work, young adults are positive on the work and vigorous in the life.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
occupy the above 50 percentage of the populations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are minority, which phenomenon is happening in a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enable to contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
more
actively
.
However
, both pros and cons
are involved
in this condition. In my opinion, there are more advantages and in this essay I will discuss in
further
with a variety of examples.

No one can deny that larger number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these are
relatively
minor. One of the primary problem is that a
The phrase ‘a less of’ is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between ‘a’ and ‘of’.
less
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can impart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
it may
The modal verb ‘may’ requires the verb’s base form.
influences
multiple nation will
be confronted
with diversity issues to happen on distinct occupation fields
particularly
education realm.
For example
, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
need to follow an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
to consult how do they can
successfully
control the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as students don't focus on academic learning. What I mean is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can express various experience to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Therefore
, if a
The phrase ‘a less of’ is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between ‘a’ and ‘of’.
less
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
positions, it means
that is
disadvantage to that industry.

Turning to other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
contain a
relatively
large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which will bring various benefits.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
nation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
more active.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude to welcome for each single
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
they will be enthusiasm on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects such as working, expanding numerous entertainment activities and more extreme sports.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are efficiency on the working and
thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industries will have a rapid improvement
instead
of as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
prolong the world development progress.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals have adequate time and sufficient energy to concentrate on working and
therefore
country's economic will
be enhanced
.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that there are more advantages surpass disadvantages. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
has
less experience
especially
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and vigorous in the life.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of the situation out weigh the disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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