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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweighs the disadvantages. v.17

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweighs the disadvantages. v. 17
The world’s population has increased tremendously over the past few decades. Currently, the majority portion of a country’s population comprises children and the adolescents when the census indices are carefully studied. This has led to disproportion among various age groups leading to a variegated picture. In my opinion, the younger people have overall more dis-credits as compared to benefits due to several factors. The main disadvantage of the current situation revolves around the un-employment that occurs resultantly. To clarify this, I would argue that the jobs which are created in a specific society over a specific period of time are limited. However, when the number of population indices reverses favouring the young, tough competition arises leading to a dramatic increase in un-employment. To give a clear example, Pakistan is among those countries that witnessed a rapid increase in the population over the last twenty years. This has contributed significantly towards a surge in younger graduates looking for a job. Contrary to this, benefits of such a situation centers on the human resource which plays a pivotal role in the growth of a country. By this I mean that as the number of earning hands increases, it leads to a rapid growth in the national exchequer. For instance, many European countries especially, Denmark, Finland and Norway are struggling hard to run their systems smoothly due to the non-availability of manpower. Other countries like Japan are propagating special packages to import literary people from around the world due to a sharp decline in their population growth. Moreover, the elderly now constitute the majority thus straining meagre resources due to increased expenditure on their health care and rehabilitation. To conclude, young people are a double edge sword, helping the country’s economy in terms of human resource on one hand while adding to the liabilities on the other as far as employment and other social sectors are concerned. Therefore, the current pattern observed needs a balance according to the resources.
The world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has increased
tremendously
over the past few decades.
Currently
, the majority portion of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
comprises children and the adolescents when the census indices are
carefully
studied. This has led to disproportion among various age groups leading to a variegated picture. In my opinion, the younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
overall
more dis-credits as compared to benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to several factors.

The main disadvantage of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation revolves around the
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-employment
that occurs
resultantly
. To clarify this, I would argue that the jobs which
are created
in a specific society over a specific period of time
are limited
.
However
, when the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
indices reverses
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
the young, tough competition arises leading to a dramatic increase in
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-employment
. To give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, Pakistan is among those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that witnessed a rapid increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
over the last twenty years. This has contributed
significantly
towards a surge in younger graduates looking for a job.

Contrary to this, benefits of such a situation centers on the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
which plays a pivotal role in the growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. By this I mean that as the number of earning hands increases, it leads to a rapid growth in the national exchequer.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
especially
, Denmark, Finland and Norway are struggling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to run their systems
smoothly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the non-availability of manpower. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Japan are propagating special packages to import literary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from around the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to a sharp decline in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth.
Moreover
, the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
constitute the majority
thus
straining
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
resources
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to increased expenditure on their health care and rehabilitation.

To conclude
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are a double edge sword, helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy in terms of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
on one hand while adding to the liabilities on the other as far as employment and other social sectors
are concerned
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
pattern observed needs a balance according to the resources.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweighs the disadvantages. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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