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At some schools, some lessons for young students (ages 5-8) include video games as a way to increase students’ interest in learning. Some people believe this is a very effective way for young students to learn, while others believe it is too distracting v.2

At some schools, some lessons for young students (ages 5-8) include video games as a way to increase students’ interest in learning. Some people believe this is a very effective way for young students to learn, while others believe it is too distracting v. 2
By and large, the contemporary age is no strange to the notion of education and its importance in our life. Without a detailed plan for education affairs, it depends on chance or exceptional talents of students that they can make remarkable improvements. In this regard, while some people are of the opinion that playing video games can be counted as a distraction for students, my personal viewpoint tends to align with the opinion that these video games can help students develop their essential talents. I have some reasons for this, two of them will be explicated hereunder. To begin with, when students play different video games in the academic environment, they can get to with the sense of competition. As a matter of fact, education without competition is similar to life without progress, a static situation where the cream does not rise to the top because there would be no desires and no goals to march to different drum beats and to take something that has even been taken before. Competition can teach us to dig deep and find resources we never knew we had, providing us with the opportunity to explore new ways to succeed. The pressure to win or succeed, brought about by competition, can inspire more imagination and inspires us to come up with various solutions. Should students play video games in the classroom, they can develop their abilities in competing with others. To get at the details of this, my own experience is an outstanding example. Buying a PlayStation for me and my brother, my father wanted to encourage us to develop our abilities in the life. In fact, my father claimed that each of us who gets the higher mark at the end of the week can use PlayStation for five hours more than the other one. Encouraged to play more, my brother and I started to compete with each other, and our marks in turn raised. Apart from the above-mentioned reason, I am convinced that by playing video games in classrooms, students can be entertained in such a manner that benefits them in terms of lowering stress level. To clarify, between works, relationships, academic efforts, maintaining friendships, community involvements, and personal fulfillment, it is a wonder that most of us can even find time to catch our breath, and when the situation gets worse and the stress of it impacts all aspects of our life, the body responses to this stress with different reactions. When the situation gets worse, one of the best treatments is to get a worthy distraction. In fact, one of the ideal distraction we can get is entertainment because when we are entertained, the brain thinks of other things and releases endorphins, the hormones which are responsible for feeling good. Students, nowadays, feel stress out inside and outside academic environment, so it can be worthwhile to get an entertainment, and playing video games can be a pleasant entertainment for students, notably the ones who are in the 7 to 13 age bracket. All in all, for the reasons mentioned above and a whole array of others I strongly hold that to play such video games, is far more expedient for students. In spite of that, both playing such games and traditional viewpoint of education about using technologies offer various pros and cons. To pick one over another would be a personal inclination based on the one’s demands, ambitions, and desires.
By and large, the contemporary age is no strange to the notion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and its importance in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Without a detailed plan for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
affairs, it depends on chance or exceptional talents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
remarkable improvements. In this regard, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
be counted
as a distraction for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, my personal viewpoint tends to align with the opinion that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop their essential talents. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this, two of them will
be explicated
hereunder.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the academic environment, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
to with the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
. As a matter of fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without progress, a static situation where the cream does not rise to the top
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there would be no desires and no goals to march to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
drum beats and to take something that has even
been taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competition
can teach us to dig deep and find resources we never knew we had, providing us with the opportunity to explore new ways to succeed. The pressure to win or succeed, brought about by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, can inspire more imagination and inspires us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with various solutions. Should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the classroom, they can develop their abilities in competing with others. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of this, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is an outstanding example. Buying a PlayStation for me and my brother, my father wanted to encourage us to develop our abilities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In fact, my father claimed that each of us who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
the higher mark at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the week can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
PlayStation for five hours more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
one. Encouraged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
more, my brother and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to compete with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, and our marks in turn raised.

Apart from the above-mentioned reason, I
am convinced
that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in classrooms,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
be entertained
in such a manner that benefits them in terms of lowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
level. To clarify, between works, relationships, academic efforts, maintaining friendships, community involvements, and personal fulfillment, it is a wonder that most of us can even find time to catch our breath, and when the situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
worse and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
of it impacts all aspects of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the body responses to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reactions. When the situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
worse, one of the best treatments is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
a worthy distraction. In fact, one of the ideal distraction we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
is entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when we
are entertained
, the brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things and releases endorphins, the hormones which are responsible for feeling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
, nowadays, feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
out inside and outside academic environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can be worthwhile to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
an entertainment, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be a pleasant entertainment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
notably
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who are in the 7 to 13 age
Possible agreement error. The noun 'bracket' seems to be countable, so consider using: "brackets".
bracket
.

All in all, for the reasons mentioned above and a whole array of others I
strongly
hold that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, is far more expedient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
that, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and traditional viewpoint of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
about using technologies offer various pros and cons. To pick one over another would be a personal inclination based on the one’s demands, ambitions, and desires.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay At some schools, some lessons for young students (ages 5-8) include video games as a way to increase students’ interest in learning. Some people believe this is a very effective way for young students to learn, while others believe it is too distracting v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
570 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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