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Animals often have to move from place to place to obtain resources. Most animals do so using their own physical effort, but animals of certain species may not be able to transport themselves efficiently in order to access the resources they need. These an v.1

Animals often have to move from place to place to obtain resources. Most animals do so using their own physical effort, but animals of certain species may not be able to transport themselves efficiently in order to access the resources they need. These an v. 1
A good society is made by people who behave with good manners with each other. Now, some people are of the view that teachers should teach these basic etiquettes. While others are of the belief that parents are responsible for it. In my opinion, a child should learn it both in his home and school. This essay will discuss both view points. As people say that mother is the first teacher of a kid. So learning of a child start from his home. Therefore, a mother plays a key role in the upbringing of a kid, who later on can be a good member of a society. For example, a lot of criminals these days have a history of bitter childhood, when either they were abandoned or their parents were also involved in criminal activities. Hence, a child learn what he sees in his parents and consequently, a good parenting results in better individuals of society. Kids are always in the process of learning, and in this regard a school can also play a role in making better citizens. Firstly, a classroom has pupils from each walk of life, so by spending time with his classmates, a kid learns about diversity and how to live with people of different backgrounds, both of which makes the key elements of the society. Secondly, a classroom provides with all sorts of interactions which have a good impact on a person. To conclude, some people consider one place; a school or home, to be responsible for making good members of the society. I believe that both play their own unique role in a person's upbringing.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who behave with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners with each other.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the view that teachers should teach these basic
Possible spelling mistake found.
etiquettes
. While others are of the belief that parents are responsible for it. In my opinion, a child should learn it both in his home and school. This essay will discuss both view points.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that mother is the
first
teacher of a kid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
learning of a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from his home.
Therefore
, a mother plays a key role in the upbringing of a kid, who later on can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
member of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
criminals these days have a history of bitter childhood, when either they
were abandoned
or their parents were
also
involved in criminal activities.
Hence
, a child learn what he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
in his parents and
consequently
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
parenting results in better individuals of society.

Kids are always in the process of learning, and in this regard a school can
also
play a role in making better citizens.
Firstly
, a classroom has pupils from each walk of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by spending time with his classmates, a kid learns about diversity and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds, both of which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the key elements of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Secondly
, a classroom provides with all sorts of interactions which have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
impact on a person.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider one place; a school or home, to be responsible for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I believe that both play their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique role in a person's upbringing.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Animals often have to move from place to place to obtain resources. Most animals do so using their own physical effort, but animals of certain species may not be able to transport themselves efficiently in order to access the resources they need. These an v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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