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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It’s better to have rules about the type of clothing that people wear at schools or in their workplace. v.687

It’s better to have rules about the type of clothing that people wear at schools or in their workplace. v. 687
By and large, the contemporary age is no strange to the notion of education and its necessities in the modern life. without a stunning plan for their education process, it depends on chance or exceptional talents of students that they find a proper job after the graduation. In this regard, some people are of the opinion that sooner graduating would increase our chance in life, while others take issue with this point of view. Notwithstanding differences, I think that the former idea takes priority over another option. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs. To begin with, by graduating sooner, people can accumulate more experiences by working in different real situations. To more elaborate, experience provides you golden opportunities to people to become familiar with certain skills or a particular field of the area after actual practice for a period, resulting in great mastery and understanding. Experience can allow you to have good management over difficulties in your life, because you have dealt with some relevant situations in the past, have communicated with some experts and experienced people in the past, and have a wider perspective over various conditions. Experience can give you an insight into the economy and what ideas should be followed and developed by the group, thus increasing the possibility of survival and prosperity in the future. to get the details of this, my own story is a good example of this. Graduating after nearly 5 years of study in the university, I was looking for a job to cover my basic expenses in two years ago. After about ten months looking for a job in different places, I could not find any job, and also I could find out that experience is one of the most precious requirements of getting accepted in companies. In contrast, some of my friends, graduating nearly one year before me, could have found their dream job, because they had worked in a company for about one year for free. Secondly, based on my observations I have made recently, money is so important in life that almost nothing else can substitute it. Money is the basic requirement for life without which one can not imagine a healthy and peaceful life. in today’s world where the growth of civilization is growing too fast and following western culture, we need more money due to the increasing prices of everything. Money can allow you to have more control over our lives, more freedom to curve out our own path, and fewer constraints on our choices. Money can enable us to provide different facilities for our family and friends, to enhance their life through a good education and the best health care, and to support and achieve their goals and dreams. In fact, the sooner we graduate from school, the greater the chance we possess to find a job and make money. For instance, my older brother, named Ali, decided to enter the job market finding a job after graduating from the high school. Working as an intern in a computer company, he could receive 500 USD per month in the first year of working. After nearly six-year of working not only in that company but also in other company, he could have gained a great deal of money as well experience to make money. All in all, as mentioned above, sooner graduation have great benefits, including making greater money and accumulating precious experiences in different areas. though both sooner and later graduation have different pros and cons. To choose one over another would be a personal preference based on the one’s needs, desires and ambitions.
By and large, the contemporary age is no strange to the notion of education and its necessities in the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
without
a stunning plan for their education process, it depends on chance or exceptional talents of students that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after the graduation. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sooner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduating
would increase our chance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, while others take issue with this point of view. Notwithstanding differences, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
takes priority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
another option. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sooner
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can accumulate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
real situations. To more elaborate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
provides you golden opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become familiar with certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or a particular field of the area after actual practice for a period, resulting in great mastery and understanding.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Experience
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
difficulties in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you have dealt with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant situations in the past, have communicated with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts and experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past, and have a wider perspective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
various conditions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Experience
can give you an insight into the economy and what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
should
be followed
and developed by the group,
thus
increasing the possibility of survival and prosperity in the future.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of this, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
story is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Graduating
after
nearly
5 years of study in the university, I was looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to cover my basic expenses in two years ago. After about ten months looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
places, I could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and
also
I could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is one of the most precious requirements of getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduating
nearly
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
me, could have found their dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had worked in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for about one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
for free.

Secondly
, based on my observations I have made recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that almost nothing else can substitute it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is the basic requirement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without which one can not imagine a healthy and peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world where the growth of civilization is growing too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and following western culture, we need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
due to the increasing prices of everything.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to have more control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, more freedom to curve out our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
path, and fewer constraints on our choices.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
can enable us to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
facilities for our family and friends, to enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
through a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education and the best health care, and to support and achieve their goals and dreams. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sooner
we graduate from school, the greater the chance we possess to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, my older brother, named Ali, decided to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduating
from the high school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
as an intern in a computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, he could receive 500 USD per month in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. After
nearly
six-year of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, he could have gained a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money.

All in all, as mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sooner
graduation have great benefits, including making greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and accumulating precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
areas.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
though
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sooner
and later graduation have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
pros and cons. To choose one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
another would be a personal preference based on the one’s needs, desires and ambitions.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
70Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It’s better to have rules about the type of clothing that people wear at schools or in their workplace. v. 687

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
609 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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