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Some people believe that it is better to come with new solutions in the high school or not. Which one do you prefer? v.1

Some people believe that it is better to come with new solutions in the high school or not. Which one do you prefer? v. 1
By and large, the contemporary age is no strange to the notion of timing and its importance in the modern era. Without paying enough attention to scheduling, it depends on chance or exceptional talents of students that they make remarkable improvements in the lifespan. In this regard, different possibilities have been proposed for exploiting the time as good as possible. Notwithstanding differences, in my view, gaining a practical job is a cracking choice for the students, who are going to have a stunning style of living at the moment as well as in the future. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs. To begin with, by contributing to a part-time job besides the school, the students can achieve some precious experiences, thereby increasing the possibility of their survival and success in the future. As a matter of fact, nowadays, the companies and the job markets are looking for the individuals who possess some experiences as to their field of studies. In fact, because the companies’ owners tend to spend money as less as possible, they do not want to hire someone without practical experiences, who their training take plenty of cost and energy. For instance, last summer one of my professors proposed me to work in a computer company for a while. Because I am majoring in the hardware computer engineering for nearly three year, it had different advantages for me, including working with the instruments which could help me to achieve a practical experience, getting familiar with the competitive environments of the job market, and making different friends in that place, who can be useful for my future. Secondly, the by working beside the school, the students can make money, and it is a good practice for training the independence. As time goes by, the family’s expenses have increased, and the parents have to spend their income on varied affairs, namely the tuition fee, the energy costs, new electrical facilities, to name but a few. In this condition, the students should have a supplementary source for their expenses. In addition, the students are inclined to spend more and more money on amusements, such as playing video games, going to pools, and so on. An observation I have made recently is a good example of this. One of my neighbors, named Ali Mokhtari, who is a talented student, attended the university last month. In actuality, his father is older than he can pay Ali’s university tuition fee. After gaining a job in a local company, he could gain a considerable amount of money that was enough to pay the necessary tuition. To sum up, as mentioned above, not only do gaining a job in the school days help the students accumulate precious experiences but also it can be a stunning source of money for their living expenses. In spite of that, other options offer some good beneficial results. To choose one over the others would be a personal preference based on the one’s needs, ambitions, and desires.
By and large, the contemporary age is no strange to the notion of timing and its importance in the modern era. Without paying
enough
attention to scheduling, it depends on chance or exceptional talents of
students
that they
make
remarkable improvements in the lifespan. In this regard,
different
possibilities
have
been proposed
for exploiting the time as
good
as possible. Notwithstanding differences, in my view, gaining a practical
job
is a cracking choice for the
students
,
who
are going to have a stunning style of living at the moment
as well
as in the future. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

To
begin
with, by contributing to a part-time
job
besides
the school, the
students
can achieve
some
precious
experiences
, thereby increasing the possibility of their survival and success in the future. As a matter of fact, nowadays, the
companies
and the
job
markets are looking for the individuals
who
possess
some
experiences
as to their field of studies. In fact,
because
the
companies’
owners tend to spend
money
as
less
as
possible, they do not want to hire someone without practical
experiences
,
who
their training
take
plenty
of cost and energy.
For instance
, last summer one of my professors proposed me to work in a computer
company
for a while.
Because
I am majoring in the hardware computer engineering for
nearly
three year, it had
different
advantages for me, including working with the instruments which could
help
me to achieve a practical
experience
, getting familiar with the competitive environments of the
job
market, and making
different
friends in that place,
who
can be useful for my future.

Secondly
, the by working beside the school, the
students
can
make
money
, and it is a
good
practice for training the independence. As time goes by, the family’s expenses have increased, and the parents
have to
spend their income on varied affairs,
namely
the tuition fee, the energy costs, new electrical facilities, to name
but
a few. In this condition, the
students
should have a supplementary source for their expenses.
In addition
, the
students
are inclined
to spend more and more
money
on amusements, such as playing video games, going to pools, and
so
on. An observation I have made recently is a
good
example of this. One of my neighbors, named Ali
Mokhtari
,
who
is a talented
student
, attended the university last month. In actuality, his father is older than he can pay Ali’s university tuition fee. After gaining a
job
in a local
company
, he could gain a considerable amount of
money
that was
enough
to pay the necessary tuition.

To sum up, as mentioned above, not
only
do gaining
a
job
in the school days
help
the
students
accumulate precious
experiences
but
also
it can be a stunning source of
money
for their living expenses.
In spite of
that, other options offer
some
good
beneficial results. To choose one over the others would be a personal preference based on the one’s needs, ambitions, and desires.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is better to come with new solutions in the high school or not. Which one do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
506 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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