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In many countries, teenagers have a part time jobs when they are still at school. Do you think it is a good idea? Use reasons and example to support your view. v.1

In many countries, teenagers have a part time jobs when they are still at school. Do you think it is a good idea? Use reasons and example to support your view. v. 1
High consumption of sugar causes serious issues like diabetes nowadays. In order to restrict such kinds of health hazards, few people think that the government should take measures to restrict a person’s sugar intake, whereas the rest of them argue that, it is our self-exercise to control the level of the sugar in our daily routine. Even though both the sides seem relevant, I would like to agree with the fact that the change should first start with the individual. The food and nutrition department, which is solely functional for the society's health, can play a great role in restricting the amount of sugar we eat. The reason behind the said fact is, only the government has the authority to control the quality, ingredients, etc. , of the food, that is sold outdoors. Hence, when a food product or a brand, which has high amounts of sugar in its food, is banned or penalized, people will understand the serious impact which sugar causes to our bodies. Consider the verdict of Maggi noodles ban in India. The Times magazine revealed that, the sales of all noodles, irrespective of the brand, went down by 90% in India, because of this restriction by the Indian administration. However, the rules and regulations imposed by the governing body cannot bring about the change, until and unless the common man has the determination to control his sugar intake. Though the government has the authority to control the amount of sugars in food sold in restaurants, hotels, etc, what goes into the body of an individual can be controlled only by him \ her. Moreover, a person must have the grit to control the levels of sugar in his food, so that he can prevent health issues in future. A recent survey says that, 70% of healthy adults do not follow dieticians nor gym instructors, but still they are able to follow a healthy lifestyle. This survey is the best example to prove my point. I would like to conclude by stating that, it is the duty of the administering body to reduce the sugar consumption, since it has the rights to lay down the restriction on sugar levels in food products. But it is the common man's resposibility to adapt to the regulations and put the same into practice in his daily life.
High consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
causes serious issues like diabetes nowadays. In order to restrict such kinds of health hazards, few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take measures to restrict a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake, whereas the rest of them argue that, it is our self-exercise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the level of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in our daily routine.
Even though
both the sides seem relevant, I would like to
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
should
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the individual.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and nutrition department, which is
solely
functional for the society's health, can play a great role in restricting the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
we eat. The reason behind the said fact is,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has the authority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the quality, ingredients, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, that
is sold
outdoors.
Hence
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
product or a brand, which has high amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
is banned
or penalized,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will understand the serious impact which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
causes to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
. Consider the verdict of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maggi
noodles ban in India. The Times magazine revealed that, the sales of all noodles, irrespective of the brand, went down by 90% in India,
because of this
restriction by the Indian administration.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations imposed by the governing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
cannot bring about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, until and unless the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has the determination to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake.

Though the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has the authority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugars
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sold in restaurants, hotels, etc, what goes into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
of an individual can
be controlled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by him \ her.
Moreover
, a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the grit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
health issues
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. A recent survey says that, 70% of healthy adults do not follow
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieticians
nor gym instructors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
they are able to follow a healthy lifestyle. This survey is the best example to prove my point.

I would like
to conclude
by stating that, it is the duty of the administering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption, since it has the rights to lay down the restriction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
levels in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is the common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's
Possible spelling mistake found.
resposibility
to adapt to the regulations and put the same into practice in his daily life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In many countries, teenagers have a part time jobs when they are still at school. Do you think it is a good idea? Use reasons and example to support your view. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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