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Some people think that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree? Use specific details and examples to explain your view. v.2

Some people think that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. Use specific details and examples to explain your view. v. 2
When two or more people work together to do a set goal or target, they have to collaborate and negotiate on smaller steps taken by them as a group. Many people believe that working collaboratively in groups help them in building interpersonal and cognitive skills. In my opinion, collaborative tasks covers each others' deficiencies. Although group tasks are beneficial for enhancing abilities of group members, it also help in social loafing which doesn't improve the skills of every group member. To begin with, individuality of a person is affected by working in group activities and hence the intellectual skills are not fully developed. For instance, people have become less confident enough to take risks and they don't take initiatives themselves. Furthermore, the confidence of people when they have to perform separately is also hindered by the group. On the contrary, abilities like negotiation and communication skills are enhanced by doing projects and assignments together. For example, a group of university students, working on a final year project, discuss and show disagreements on the inclusion of features they want to add in their project. Indeed, by agreeing and disagreeing to various points, they also develop cognitive skills. Like by sharing ideas and by explaining their perspectives to each other, they can further improve thinking abilities. Therefore, I certainly disagree with the notion to some extent only. To conclude, inspite of the fact that there are so many skills people develop in group activities, I still believe it decreases the confidence of individual personalities in a group.
When two or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work together to do a set goal or target, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
collaborate and negotiate on smaller steps taken by them as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that working
collaboratively
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in building interpersonal and cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In my opinion, collaborative tasks covers each
Did you mean "other's"?
others'
deficiencies. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
tasks are beneficial for enhancing abilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
members, it
also
Did you mean "helps"?
help
in social loafing which doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
member.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, individuality of a person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities and
hence
the intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not
fully
developed.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become less confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
risks and
they don't take initiatives themselves.
Furthermore
, the confidence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform
separately
is
also
hindered by the group.

On the contrary
, abilities like negotiation and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are enhanced
by doing projects and assignments together.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of university students, working on a final year project, discuss and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
disagreements on the inclusion of features they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
in their project.
Indeed
, by agreeing and disagreeing to various points, they
also
develop cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Like by sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and by explaining their perspectives to each other, they can
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
thinking abilities.
Therefore
, I
certainly
disagree with the notion to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

To conclude
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
of the fact that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities, I
still
believe it decreases the confidence of individual personalities in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people think that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. Use specific details and examples to explain your view. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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