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As the process of urbanization, there are more and more skyscrapers built up to facilitate the increasing need for space and accommodation. Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend? v.2

As the process of urbanization, there are more and more skyscrapers built up to facilitate the increasing need for space and accommodation. Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend? v. 2
The recent wave of immigrants moving from rural areas to more metropolitan regions has been causing an increasing number of high-rise buildings to be constructed to resolve the rising demands of accommodation. Despite the many advantages of contemporary buildings, I believe this is a negative trend in regard to prospective benefit. From environmental perspective, the construction of skyscrapers includes million tons of steel, glass and several environmental-unfriendly materials every year. Those substances are one of the main reasons causing the increasing temperature and urban heat island (UHI) effect due to the trapped radiation in the atmosphere. On the other hand, the sealed structure of high-rise buildings could not allow it to be naturally ventilated; therefore the structure requires vast conditioning unit, which releases destructive gases into the surrounding atmosphere. Several scientific researches have been done to prove that harmful gases from air conditioning systems like CFC are the direct factors contribute to the destruction of the ozone layer and widespread impact of greenhouse effect on the Earth. From economical point of view, contemporary buildings are putting a strain on the electric power system in the context of running out resources in maintaining habitable condition. Skyscrapers are unable to be naturally lit. Thus, energy is squandered for massive mechanical ventilation system and operating the lighting system, both to practically meet the basic life requirement and for the building to be completely functioned. Overall, despite there is an increase in demand for contemporary buildings in order to provide accommodations for society, I would argue that this is a negative trend that would bring back several undesirable outcomes in the future.
The recent wave of immigrants moving from rural areas to more metropolitan regions has been causing an increasing number of high-rise
buildings
to
be constructed
to resolve the rising demands of accommodation. Despite the
many
advantages of contemporary
buildings
, I believe this is a
negative
trend in regard to prospective benefit.

From environmental perspective, the construction of skyscrapers includes
million
tons of steel, glass and several environmental-
unfriendly
materials every year. Those substances are one of the main reasons causing the increasing temperature and urban heat island (
UHI
) effect due to the trapped radiation in the atmosphere.
On the other hand
, the sealed structure of high-rise
buildings
could not
allow
it to be
naturally
ventilated;
therefore
the structure requires vast conditioning unit, which releases destructive gases into the surrounding atmosphere. Several scientific researches have
been done
to prove that harmful gases from air conditioning
systems
like CFC are the direct factors contribute to the destruction of the ozone layer and widespread impact of greenhouse effect on the Earth.

From economical point of view, contemporary
buildings
are putting a strain on the electric power
system
in the context of running out resources in maintaining habitable condition. Skyscrapers are unable to be
naturally
lit.
Thus
, energy
is squandered
for massive mechanical ventilation
system
and operating the lighting
system
, both to
practically
meet
the basic life requirement and for the
building
to be completely functioned.

Overall
, despite there is an increase in demand for contemporary
buildings
in order to provide accommodations for society, I would argue that this is a
negative
trend that would bring back several undesirable outcomes in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay As the process of urbanization, there are more and more skyscrapers built up to facilitate the increasing need for space and accommodation. Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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