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As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem? v.4

As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem? v. 4
Firstly, utilisation of electric cars can be a consideration to reduce the pollution because electric automobiles make use of electricity as a substitute for fossil fuels - which we know increase the number of emission in the air.   In addition, we also know that the hybrid car uses a combination of electrical and conventional machine. Although electric cars emit less pollution than hybrid cars, both types of cars will help to reduce the pollution if we ban other types of cars that use fossil fuels. Secondly, use of public transportations such the bus, train, and the subway could be another great way to keep off using private cars and to reduce carbon emission. From my perspective, there are many advantages of using public transportations and to promote the use of public transportation the government has to take initiatives. Lastly, the existence of green parks in the city is quite important because as far as I am concerned, opening green parks in the city can reduce the pollution or at least keep production of fresh air naturally. To draw the conclusion, the rise of pollution level caused by private cars is in the unsafe level in many cities. So we have to use the best ways to reduce this problem such as using electric cars to replace ordinary cars, utilising public conveyance and establishing of natural areas like parks in the town.
Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can be a consideration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
automobiles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electricity as a substitute for fossil fuels
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
which we know increase the number of emission in the air.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In addition
, we
also
know that the hybrid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
a combination of electrical and conventional machine. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
emit less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
than hybrid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
if we ban other types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
fossil fuels.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportations such the bus, train, and the subway could be another great way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
off using private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
carbon emission. From my perspective, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportations and to promote the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transportation the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take initiatives.

Lastly
, the existence of green parks in the city is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as far as I
am concerned
, opening green parks in the city can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
or at least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
production of fresh air
naturally
.

To draw the conclusion, the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
level caused by private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is in the unsafe level in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the best ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
this problem such as using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
to replace ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
conveyance and establishing of natural areas like parks in the town.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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