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As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem? v.3

As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem? v. 3
In the past few decades, mankind has made tremendous technological advances and world has truly become a small village because of globalisation. Now, more and more people are able to afford cars. This has caused an increase in the level of noise and air pollution in large cities. One solution would be to impose a large amount of tax on privately owned cards. This would discourage people to use their own vehicle to commute to work and utilise other means of public transport. This can definitely reduce the traffic in urban city areas. However, this only deals with a part of the population.   Rich could easily afford to pay the higher tax; while, on the other hand, only poor would be affected by this law. Another way government could tackle this problem is to encourage people to use public transportation. The legal authorities could introduce more comfortable and convenient trains, buses and metros to attract more people.   As a result, more and more citizens would use public transport services and thus the level of traffic and pollution would definitely reduce. Lastly, the government should put more money into researches to find more renewable resources such as solar power and wind instead of using coal and petrol.   In addition, there could be seminars or lectures to educate people about how our ways of living are affecting the environment. This may not be a quick solution but it does help to tackle the issues at hand in a long run. In summary, it is partly government's and partly individual's responsibility to pay attention to increasing pollution and find ways to reduce it if we want to leave a greener planet to our children.
In the past few decades, mankind has made tremendous technological advances and world has
truly
become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to afford cars. This has caused an increase in the level of noise and air pollution in large cities.

One solution would be to impose a large amount of tax on
privately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
cards. This would discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicle to commute to work and
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
other means of public transport. This can definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the traffic in urban city areas.
However
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deals with a part of the population.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Rich could
easily
afford to pay the higher tax; while,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
poor would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this law.

Another way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could tackle this problem is to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transportation. The legal authorities could introduce more comfortable and convenient trains, buses and metros to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
As a result
, more and more citizens would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transport services and
thus
the level of traffic and pollution would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

Lastly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put more money into researches to find more renewable resources such as solar power and wind
instead
of using coal and petrol.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In addition
, there could be seminars or lectures to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about how our ways of living are affecting the environment. This may not be a quick solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to tackle the issues at hand in a long run.

In summary, it is partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's and partly individual's responsibility to pay attention to increasing pollution and find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it if we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a greener planet to our children.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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