Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others believe that international sporting events bring more problems than benefits. v.6

Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others believe that international sporting events bring more problems than benefits. v. 6
Throughout the 21st century, a lot of significant global events have happened at different locations. Sports, which is played among nations, is one such event which is becoming extremely popular, especially among the youngsters of the developed nations. The discussion that whether or not to host an international sporting program by a nation is advantageous is a debatable one, with strong logics provided by the supporters of both the views. On the one hand, a sense of patriotism will be increased among the citizens of the hosting country due to the fact that they will be proud to see their country in the international headlines, during the entire event. In addition to that, the nation's top leaders have an opportunity to hand over the price to the winners. For example, in 2005 when Brazil hosted the soccer world cup, every day the name 'Brazil' was seen in almost all media like newspapers, televisions and the internet. Secondly, motivation will be cultivated among the youths of the host country, and will actively try to play the game locally. This can bring up the sporting potential of the citizens and later help to play for the nation. For instance, the proportion of citizens playing cricket increased by 10 percent after India hosted cricket world cup in 2000. Thus, a country can have many sportsmen in the pool and pick the best ones. On the other hand, there are security threats especially from the terrorists or by opponents from the start to the end of the program. A lot of money needs to be spent to deploy the military forces, round the clock, to ensure that the nation is completely under control. In 2005, Brazil spent 25 million dollars to ensure that the country is secure in all aspects. Moreover, this money could be used for the starving people, especially in Africa. Thus, some people gravitate towards this point of view. In conclusion, although I understand that huge money needs to be spent for safety purposes, I totally agree that hosting international sporting events are advantageous for both - the hosting country and the attending countries. There should be regular sporting events held internationally every year, to promote peace and love.
Throughout the 21st century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
significant global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have happened at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations. Sports, which
is played
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, is one such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
which is becoming
extremely
popular,
especially
among the youngsters of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. The discussion that
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to host an international sporting program by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is advantageous is a debatable one, with strong logics provided by the supporters of both the views.

On the one hand, a sense of patriotism will
be increased
among the citizens of the hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
due to the fact that they will be proud to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the international headlines, during the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
.
In addition
to that, the nation's top leaders have an opportunity to hand over the price to the winners.
For example
, in 2005 when Brazil hosted the soccer world cup, every day the name 'Brazil' was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in almost all media like newspapers, televisions and the internet.
Secondly
, motivation will
be cultivated
among the youths of the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and will
actively
try to play the game
locally
. This can bring up the sporting potential of the citizens and later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to play for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For instance
, the proportion of citizens playing cricket increased by 10 percent after India hosted cricket world cup in 2000.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sportsmen in the pool and pick the best ones.

On the other hand
, there are security threats
especially
from the terrorists or by opponents from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the program.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
money needs to
be spent
to deploy the military forces, round the clock, to ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is completely under control. In 2005, Brazil spent 25 million dollars to ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is secure in all aspects.
Moreover
, this money could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the starving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
in Africa.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gravitate towards this point of view.

In conclusion
, although I understand that huge money needs to
be spent
for safety purposes, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that hosting international sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are advantageous for both
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. There should be regular sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
held
internationally
every year, to promote peace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others believe that international sporting events bring more problems than benefits. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts