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As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem? v.2

As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem? v. 2
Technology has become as integral parts of the transportation system and we are facing a majority of problems with these. The main issue is that the amount of people’s own vehicles has raised, which is caused environmental matter. I will examine some reason of this situation and give some solutions. There are many factors why the number of personal vehicles has dramatically increased. Firstly, it is fact that using their own cars is more convenient than using public transportations such as train, bus or ferry. Many people used to live in a joint people and the family bond was strong, however since the technology has developed, most people move their house in the city and therefore they could not communicate with their cousins or neighbourhoods as much as they did. The city centric life which is competitive and busy has diminished the concept of extended family, so many people nowadays, tend to be not gregarious with others who they do not know much about. According to some studies, since the number of people in the city has raised, the amount of car users has increased as well. It is because of the city-centric life is highly competitive. One of the solutions is that the government makes a regulation to change the cost of transportations If the price of these is fairly cheaper than the cost of fuel, citizens will use buses or trains to commute. Another idea is that give them education to protect the earth. If this trend keeps continuing, the level of air pollution will high, consequently, it causes an environmental problem on the earth and people can get lung diseases or heart diseases. By giving citizens about this matters and how to deal with this situation, they will try to solve and, as a result, the number of car user will be decreased in the future. To sum up, using a personal vehicle is convenient, however it can lead to disaster for them and the earth, hence we should encourage each other to use transportations and the government should take responsibility of this issue. t
Technology has become as integral parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
system and
we are facing a majority of problems with these. The main issue is that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles has raised, which
is caused
environmental matter. I will examine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason of this situation and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors why the number of personal vehicles has
dramatically
increased.
Firstly
, it is fact that using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars is more convenient than using public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
such as train, bus or ferry.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the family bond was strong,
however
since the technology has developed, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in the city and
therefore
they could not communicate with their cousins or
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
as much as they did. The city centric life which is competitive and busy has diminished the concept of extended family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays, tend to be not gregarious with others who they do not know much about. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies, since the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the city has raised, the amount of car users has increased
as well
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the city-centric life is
highly
competitive.

One of the solutions is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a regulation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
If the price of these is
fairly
cheaper than the cost of fuel, citizens will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
buses or trains
Did you mean "commuting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to commute
. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that give them education to protect the earth. If this trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
continuing, the level of air pollution will high,
consequently
, it causes an environmental problem on the earth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lung diseases or heart diseases. By giving citizens about this matters and how to deal with this situation, they will try to solve and,
as a result
, the number of car user will
be decreased
in the future.

To sum up, using a personal vehicle is convenient,
however
it can lead to disaster for them and the earth,
hence
we should encourage each other to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take responsibility of this issue.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
t
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay As the number of private cars has increased, so too has the level of pollution in many cities. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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