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As technology helps to gain access to information, fact teaching should be removed and school should focus on developing skills and talents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

As technology helps to gain access to information, fact teaching should be removed and school should focus on developing skills and talents. v. 1
Thanks to the advancement of technology and the Internet, it has become easier than ever to gain access to factual information. Therefore, many believe that fact teaching is no longer relevant and necessary in the school’s curriculum, and that there should be a shift towards developing skill sets and capabilities of students. Personally, I partly disagree with this view. On the hand, there are reasonable arguments why the skills and potentials of a student should be a new focus. Firstly, almost everyone can afford online resources, rendering the teaching factual knowledge unnecessary. Therefore, instead of presenting students facts that they could be self-taught, more importance should be given to boosting personal developments in terms of skills, talents and interpersonal capabilities, which have more practical use of students when they enter the labour market. For instance, data analysing and sorting courses could probably be more beneficial than purely fact presenting classes. However, if facts learning become inconsequential in school, there will be some possible drawbacks. If left to their own devices, students could leave out many important pieces of information, or, even worse, they might completely neglect fact-related subjects. For example, if some historical events and landmarks, which are as important as building skills, are the subject to retraction in the school’s curriculum, students may not voluntarily do research on their own. This would make them in the dark about such fundamental information, leaving an unimaginable consequences on children’s overall development later in life. As a result, along with skills and personal skills being the new highlight, facts teaching should maintain its key role in the education system. In conclusion, in the information era, I believe factual subjects should be given equal importance as potential and skill building.
Thanks to the advancement of technology and the Internet, it has become easier than ever to gain access to factual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
teaching is no longer relevant and necessary in the school’s curriculum, and that there should be a shift towards developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
sets and capabilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Personally
, I partly disagree with this view.

On the hand, there are reasonable arguments why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and potentials of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should be a new focus.
Firstly
, almost everyone can afford online resources, rendering the teaching factual knowledge unnecessary.
Therefore
,
instead
of presenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
facts that they could be self-taught, more importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to boosting personal developments in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, talents and interpersonal capabilities, which have more practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when they enter the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market.
For instance
, data
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
and sorting courses could
probably
be more beneficial than
purely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
presenting classes.

However
, if facts learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to become"
become
inconsequential in school, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible drawbacks. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
devices,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, or, even worse, they might completely neglect fact-related subjects.
For example
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and landmarks, which are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, are the subject to retraction in the school’s curriculum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may not
voluntarily
do research on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them in the dark about such fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, leaving an unimaginable
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "consequence"?
consequences
on children’s
overall
development later in life.
As a result
, along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
being the new highlight, facts teaching should maintain its key role in the education system.

In conclusion
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
era, I believe factual subjects should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal importance as potential and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
building.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay As technology helps to gain access to information, fact teaching should be removed and school should focus on developing skills and talents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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