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Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behavior and protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extend do you agree? v.2

It is often argued that there are numerous regulations, which are formed by the instructors and guardians for developing good habits and protecting them from uncertainty, but some people argue that there should be fewer rules and more liberty. Personally, I disagree with the idea that there should be extra privileged for students because I believe that it is not good for pupil’s well-being. On the one hand, I agree that liberation brings positivity to children. Many children who bring up in a less strict environment become a most notable person of society, because they are learned how to interact with outside people, and how to make their important decisions, at their early ages. Moreover, they become a risk-taker lover, and these people do not feel hesitant to try new things. For instance, the people who are started taking their own decisions in their childhood; develop a habit in themselves that, how to stand again after fall. Nevertheless, I believe that, despite all these advantages which I mentioned before, people should be raised in an environment, where they face some rules and regulations. In this way, adolescents can learn to abide by the certain regulations, and they become the warmly welcomed admirers of orders, in their rest of the life. Furthermore, if youngsters face the conditions, they do not become drug addicts, and maintain their respectable appearance in society. For example, I have seen many families who do not look after their children and they are started taking drugs, and they join the bad company. In conclusion, while there are many pros of given freedom to young people, but I believe that there should be some forms of regulations for them, to indulge good habits in them.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
, which
are formed
by the instructors and guardians for developing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits and protecting them from uncertainty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that there should be fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and more liberty.
Personally
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that there should be extra privileged for students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for pupil’s well-being.

On the one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that liberation brings positivity to children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
children who bring up in a less strict environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a most notable person of society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are learned
how to interact with outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions, at their early ages.
Moreover
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-taker lover, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not feel hesitant to try new things.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
taking their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions in their childhood; develop a habit in themselves that, how to stand again after fall.

Nevertheless
, I believe that, despite all these advantages which I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be raised
in an environment, where they face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
. In this way, adolescents can learn to abide by the certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
, and they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the
warmly
welcomed admirers of orders, in their rest of the life.
Furthermore
, if youngsters face the conditions, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
drug addicts, and maintain their respectable appearance in society.
For example
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families who do not look after their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
taking drugs, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regulations
for them, to indulge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits in them.
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IELTS essay Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behavior and protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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