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Some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience others simply focus on their goals such as academic subjects or work which do you think helps in v.2

Some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience others simply focus on their goals such as academic subjects or work which do you think helps in v. 2
If person wants to become successful, achieve be on each their goals then many factors and depend on it. Myriad people to take part in extra curricular activity like, join singing, dancing, martial art, yoga classes, work in NGO for charitable trust on the other hand, some frocks only focus on their particular goals. In paragraph to come I will tell which one is better option as well as describe ample reason and uphold my opinion. To comments with, extra curricular activities play significant role in our life. we can learn manifold moral value from it. Plethora populations joint many classes is according to their interest. In addition, these activities, we can learn lots of skill such as, team spirit, teamwork, co-operation, increase thinking ability as well as gain profound knowledge. Furthermore, some people are participate in charitable events, event event management or attend. Some seminars so this all activity increase our communication skill concentration power awareness level diminish our stage fear. at another and of spectrum some sections of population believe that we should be focus on one thing as study or job or business is whatever we do. Because they deem that other activities can district us and keeps away from our goals. It is certainly true but i think we should take part on some activities. For instance, as student, academic studies are vital for them but many skills are also needed for better future which are not provide in schools. People can easily bore when they do thing one task perpatual so for relaxation these activities work as a stress reliever. To Recapitulate, many skills are essential to become a multi-personality human being. We can learn these all skills through various kinds of activities. As per my perspective participate on many co-curricular activities is better option than focus on one thing.
If person wants to become successful, achieve be on
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their goals" or "each goals"?
each their goals
then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors and depend on it. Myriad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
singing, dancing, martial art, yoga classes, work in NGO for charitable trust
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
frocks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on their particular goals. In paragraph to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
which one is better option
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
ample reason and uphold my opinion.

To comments with,
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play significant role in our life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
can learn manifold moral value from it. Plethora populations joint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
classes is according to their interest.
In addition
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, we can learn lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
such as, team spirit, teamwork, co-operation, increase thinking ability
as well
as gain profound knowledge.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
Consider using a past participle here: "participated".
participate
in charitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
management or attend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
seminars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
increase our communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
concentration power awareness level diminish our stage fear.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
at
another and of spectrum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections of population believe that we should be focus on one thing as study or job or business is whatever we do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they deem that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can district us and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
away from our goals. It is
certainly
true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
, as student, academic studies are vital for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
also
needed for better future which are not
Consider using a past participle here: "provided".
provide
in schools.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
easily
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
bore
when they do thing one task
Possible spelling mistake found.
perpatual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for relaxation these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
work as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever.

To Recapitulate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are essential to become a multi-personality human being. We can learn these all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
through various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
per my perspective participate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
co-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is better option than focus on one thing.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people participate in extracurricular activities such as volunteering in charitable events or joining dance groups to gain more knowledge and experience others simply focus on their goals such as academic subjects or work which do you think helps in v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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